When am I not myself?
I am now not that I was
Sharing tomorrow's culture, today.
When am I not myself?
I am now not that I was
In December, a 2″ mass was removed from my abdomen (benign). This month, I’m back to playing 1.5 hrs tennis – two to three times a week. Wow. Thank you Vitality Back! Anyone wanna come hit balls with me?
— Update — Done! —
Hi, so you want to find something I wrote?
As of today (October 13), I’m reorganizing my nearly 10 years of posts (holy cats, has it really been that long? ugh.)
Give me a few days. I’ll get it done.
— Update — Done! —
Hugs to you,
Jody emailed me asking for more info about my current protocol.
Here’s a general overview, with a few random details – I could practically write a book about all of this. I admit it’s not my most brief writing.
I hope it helps someone out there anyway.
I am totally bedridden and no doctors have been able to help me. I have read your postings extensively and I’m hopeful that you might email me the more recent Protocol that you followed to help you feel much better.
I really appreciate any response from you,
I’m learning a lot, so I thought I’d share. Plus if you’re really good, you can use these to ruin an entire relationship, not just a conversation. Good luck!
1. Respond to others’ playfulness with contradictory statements instead of a simple smile. Do Not follow the improvisational rule of “yes – and…”, not even for two seconds. That’s too dangerous.
2. Hear others’ expression of pain as a personal criticism. Take it very personally. Get butt hurt. Don’t be curious about what is alive in them. Above all, do Not consider that you might have accidentally stepped on toes in the first place.
3. Talk all about yourself. For 10 minutes, 20 minutes, a half hour, 2 hours even. Don’t ask questions about the other person. Above all, do Not be curious.
3.5 If you do make the mistake of asking a question, be sure to interrupt the reply mid-sentence. Return to point 3.
3.75 Fill every spare second with talk, preferably about yourself. Don’t take a breath after you speak. Definitely don’t take 2 breaths. And be sure to start talking As Soon as the other person’s face hole has taken a tiny pause. Return to item 3.
4. Assume you know, Everything. There’s no way it’s possible someone has a valid point of view you haven’t considered. No way. You’ve travelled the world, you’ve seen it all, surely you must know it All. You’re Omniscient. You’re God.
5. Make everything you encounter “good” or “bad”. It’s not possible that there is no such thing as good and bad, only different perspectives. Above all, be sure to apply this to yourself. It’s not that all things can be both good/bad depending on the situation, it’s that You are bad, or good. There’s no both/and. And there’s no grey area.
6. When someone else is trying to tell you their feelings and needs to resolve an issue, attack them for being “overly sensitive” or for “giving you a hard time”. Resolving issues is Such a Bother.
7. Be fearful. Presume the new person you’re talking to must be crazy. Call them names as soon as you can and run screaming for the hills. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.
8. Do not take in what people tell you. If they tell you they aren’t available, insist they contact you so that You can feel better. Disregard their boundaries. If they say they don’t want single line emails, don’t listen, don’t honor their requests. See item 6.
9. Focus on the past. That was terrible. Oh no saying that was terrible too. Forget that there is a person, right here, right now, standing in front of you. Don’t smile, don’t laugh. You have more important things to think about than what’s right here right now. That was terrible. When this fails, try item 10.
10. Focus on the future. Run that train of projection and fantasy wayyyyy off into the land of what we could do. Or build a scary scenario in your mind about the horrors. Either way, forget that there’s a person you could look at, right here, right now. Don’t look them in the eye. Don’t just Be with them right now. Hey, what are your plans for next month? Oh, and remember to get butt hurt when they ask for one step at a time. See point 6. When this fails, return to item 9.
11. Never take responsibility for your actions. If it’s pointed out that you stepped on toes, or acted out one of the items in this list, quickly and without reservation Deny, Deny, Deny! Then spin it and ridicule them for speaking up. See item 6 for ideas. How dare they!
Congratulations! Now you’re well on your way to ruining conversations and relationships!
Q: Is there a better explanation for extraordinary synchronicities, and prophetic dreams, than Carl Jung’s collective unconscious?
A: While not omniscient or having read all there is to read on the subject, here is my favorite explaination.
The short simple answer – It’s all vibration, baby. Understand that, and you understand prophetic dreams and synchronicity. It’s all very simple.
Here’s what I mean. (Hang in there, this explanation goes from mainstream to advanced very quickly, one step at a time. Wait for it!)
Science, as we know it, often looks at ‘reality’ by dissecting the whole, reducing the variables, using microscopes, and separating the parts. It’s very left-brained. In this myopic way, science (i.e.: the mainstream) finds consciousness (and phenomena like prophetic dreams or synchronicity) elusive and difficult to understand, although quantum mechanics finds interesting phenomena.
All that we actually know we know, is that vibration happens. “I Think, therefore I Am.” Thoughts are vibrational phenomena. Light is vibration in radiant friction. Sound, waves, all vibrational phenomena.
We accept descriptions of ‘reality’ at our scale of observation, but nothing we conventionally think of as ‘reality’ is actually ‘real’.
Atoms are not solid, they are merely coherent patterns of vibration and spin dynamics. Electrons don’t “exist” as permanent phenomena, they blink in and out of existence continually. The electromagnetic phenomena that move our muscles are merely vibrational phenomena.
Cymatics is a newer science that investigates the emergent property of vibrational dynamics interacting on clumps of activity that we call “matter”. Put the right material in a cymatic field, and it looks like Nature. Extraordinary patterns emerge in response to specific frequencies. Movement happens, as if the material “comes to life”.
Rogue waves are another example of emergent phenomena that are only explainable by looking at the interaction of the system experiencing vibratory dynamics.
Developmentally, mainstream western science has yet to master system-thinking.
Those who do seem to understand the nature of Nature best, also look at the larger context of phenomena. They explore “knowledge” beyond the limits of the 5 senses – Gnosis. This is the realm of the right-brain, the spiritually-minded. Jung, I believed, did so well because he rationalized and formalized gnosis that he was exposed to as he experienced Hermeticism, Gnosticism, Kabbalah and other right-brained schools that looked at the whole, rather than only looking at the individual parts like a microscope would.
The Buddhist “Indra’s Net” is one example of humans attempting to describe the larger systemic context in action. The Taoists call it “The Way”. I call it the Fabric of Great Order.
Walter Russell, a scientist credited with ‘discovering’ several elements on the periodic table before mainstream science knew what to look for, was a master of understanding vibrational dynamics. He called it “Mind” (as in, the mind of All). Ian Anderson in the Jethro Tull song, “Skating Away (On The Thin Ice of a New Day)” calls it the Universal Mind.
When we experience Universal Mind, time is simultaneous, not linear. All information is expressed (and available for access) in each and every quantum location. These are also conversations shared among physicists.
If time is simultaneous, all exists Now, past, present, future are all “knowable” in the Now. Tesla said he learned what he learned by tapping into this field. (So have many other ‘scientists’.) Some call this “the Akashic Records”.
If time is simultaneous, we can access a ‘memory’ of ‘future’ events, thus predictive dreams have an obvious place in Nature.
In the trans-egoic state of sleep, in the DMT surge at 4am in the Theta and Delta frequency, we can “tune in” to and access states of awareness not available to the daytime Beta-wave brain.
Who is the observer of the Memory? When you say You are observing your thoughts – who is the You that owns your thoughts? Are you experienced in the Self that you Are beyond the egoic, personal self? Another science that discusses this “woo woo” stuff is called Transpersonal Psychology, and it substantiates and proves (in empirical ways) transpersonal phenomena. See also, the Heart Math Institute.
If we step back and perceive, experientially, the nature of Nature, there is a rich tapestry of vibrational dynamics intersecting, dancing, weaving coherent structures, like rogue waves, and re-dividing all structures back into the Universal Mind of All.
If we learn to listen beyond our ears and see beyond our eyes, we can ‘tune in’ to an entire experience (and intelligences) beyond the 5 senses, get in “Flow” with Nature, and see (as the Taoists teach) that our spiritual development can transcend the first 6 levels of Monkey Ego and Sage Ego.
In these latter 6 stages of spiritual development (ex: in stage 9), we see clearly the Way the vibrational Mind of Nature rises to meet us (the “synchronicity” that we could glimpse, but not understand, in stages 1-8). Some call this Alchemy.
When Nature – like a Holographic Mirror reflecting just the right bit of Universal Mind back to us in the shape that our personal development is ready to see – when Nature rises to meet us, we experience “synchronicity”.
For more about the stages of spiritual development and the nature of Nature as described by the Taoists, you can read “Dragon’s Play”, by Charles Belyea and Steven Tainer.
It’s all vibration.
Take the red pill, Neo, and your consciousness will experience much that lies beyond the myopic mainstream western experience. (That’s a Matrix reference, for those not in the know.)
Time is simultaneous. Only at our spiritually young, egoic scale of observation does it look linear. Of course the Greater Spark of Mind within a human can experience “predictive dreams”. It’s all Now. And it’s all available to our consciousness Now, if we tune in properly.
Synchronicity is The Way of Nature. Mind resonates. The system of our unique frequency interacts with the frequency of the greater Whole, and reflects back to us in equal measure to our personal shape and level of development. When we understand it, we call it The Tao or Indra’s Net or Great Order. When we don’t, we say, “Woah, that was quite a synchronicity.”
Hope this helps 😉 Cheers!
For what it’s worth, and with great vulnerability, here’s a node of my current bodymind puppetry. I’m posting this as a fishing expedition, because I’m feeling quite truly at my wits’ end. What do you think? Email me privately please. Mayagayam at gmail.
Once upon a time, the strategy was to land myself within a “co-created community of gnostic / priesty peers” – and if I couldn’t find it I tried to create it around me. But travelling the world I didn’t find it; my current energy levels limit most travel. Then I learned that to make community is too slow and too much wrestling – far more work than I want to manage, and takes far more directing / driving than I enjoy.
What was that strategy attempting to feed, anyway? This question brings me to this –
I am still dealing with this existential crisis – what do I do with the body to:
– care for my needs for belonging
– care for my needs for purpose (which would give me clarity and direction)
– provide for my needs for care, comfort and security for the body
– care for my needs for touch, sexual expression, and companionship
– care for my needs for community where I feel seen and wanted, met and appreciated, loved and desired
– care for my need to exercise the feminine and the capacities and the mystic and the I Am of me, in tandem with the body
– care for my needs for engagement and joy in my gnostic-heartful-sexy-playful-intelligent-tipheret ways and beyond
– all within a context of fluidity, ease, restfulness, balance and in integrity with myself
The answer to this would answer other questions like, “what do I choose relative to the other puppets I meet along the way?”
And, I’m aware that this is all fundamentally nothing more than puppet talk. I remember the conversation asking me to come here. Who sent me here to begin with and why?
— update, end of March —
Well in the absence of human response to this post, nonetheless the Guardians Guide. I find the answer is in the question itself. I read “Dragon’s Play” section 9, and I feel mySelf again. Thank you all for reading.