Wallowing: the act of focusing on what we don’t like, don’t want, don’t have, and/or what isn’t working, at the expense of taking the next step. What is the next step? Articulating what Is It We Do Want, Would Like, Wish To Have?
- Last week I had a call with a client who said, “I just realized I’ve spent so much time focusing on what I don’t like about my life that I’ve put no energy into trying to understand what I want.”
- A woman in Nevada so consistently focuses on what she does NOT know that she never takes the step to ask others if they know, so that she can know.
- A man in Colorado finds his life so terribly unfulfilling that he’s crushed under the weight of his loneliness and misery, but he doesn’t cultivate the skill of asking for what *would* bring him fulfillment.
When I watch these clients and so many of you living the same habits, these moments break my heart, because I so so want for your opening, your thriving, your joy, and your exquisite-cup-overflowing-fulfillment.
Would you consider taking on these 3 steps toward finding relief for yourself?
3 Steps To Finding Fulfillment:
1. Track your list of what isn’t working, what you don’t like, what you don’t want, etc. This first step is vital, as a first step. But when we stop there, we merely cultivate our own misery, disempower ourselves, and piss in the ears of people around us, perpetuating more misery. Writing them down gives us a place to move from.
2. Next, for each line in your list of #1, ask yourself – what is the YEARNING behind that voice. If the line for #1 says, “My life sucks.” (what I don’t want) – write in column 2, “I want more XYZ”. If your line for #1 says, “My boss is a jerk.” (what I don’t like) – write in column 2, “I’d like to be treated with more respect.” What does that voice in #1 yearn for? What do you need that the voice in #1 is dearly (and tragically, in its style) trying to ask for? What does the voice in #1 want more of?
3. Make a doable request to *get* the thing you wrote about in #2. Write down a request you can make of yourself, or that you can make of someone else. If in column 2 you wrote, “I want to be treated with more respect,” ask yourself to stop your boss the next time you want it and say, “Listen, would you be willing to speak to me at a lower volume?” Write it down.
What? You can’t think of a request for #3? Try this: I request myself to ask 3 people what they would do if they were in my shoes and wanted what I want in column #2.
Now what? Do you have to actually MAKE this request? Oh, you may do it, you may not. However, learning to translate your wallowing into an actionable request about what you DO want will take you miles further toward finding fulfillment. While you wallow, you are 100% guaranteed to NOT get what you want. While you translate wallowing into what you want, and try to get better and better at making requests to fulfill what you want, you have at least a 50-50 shot! Maybe you’ll get it, maybe you won’t. But at least you’ll have a chance.
If you’d like more information about “Powerful Requests”, or if you’d like support to make the 3 steps work for you, or if you’d like help to come up with doable requests that will actually help you meet your needs, call for a coaching session: toll-free 1.877.535.5438.
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