Archive for August, 2008

I Need Book Recommendations!!!!


I’m looking for my next good book read…

Based on this list, could you tell me 2 or 3 other books you think I’d like?

  • Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein
  • Sidhartha and Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse
  • Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins (everything by him)
  • Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder
  • Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach (everything by him)
  • The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
  • Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield

What do you think I should read next that you think I’ll enjoy?

Just click “comment” and tell me what you think.


It’ll Be Worth It

I took this from the signature file on an email that came to my inbox.

Just love it.


> Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..
> Love the people who treat you right.
> Forget about the ones who don’t..
> Believe that everything happens for a reason.
> If you get a chance , TAKE IT!
> If it changes your life , LET IT!
> Nobody said it would be easy….
> They just promised it would be worth it!



i don’t want upset to “not happen” – rain happens
i just want a world I live in where we can dance in the rain.
jump in puddles like children
and cuddle under blankets even in the midst of the storm

Why Not To Worry

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its strength.”
A.J. Cronin

A Perspective Of God

A Perspective Of God

we’re in a playground
the playground is for taking Thought beyond where It’s been before
(Thought. Experience.)

and this playground is a smorgasbord of choices.
all of them.
all of the spiral, all quadrants, levels, lines, states, and types
all of the myriad choices of what it is to Be.

Self can be a dog rolling in the grass, and Experience That.
And That Is Good.
Self can be a wealthy old man coddling his granddaughter in love.
And That Is Good.
Self can be a 20-something, or a 30-something, or a 40-something, starting to Remember Self in the bodymind,
remembering that We Are That.

As Omniscience, as Omnipresence,
the one thing Self canNOT do –
is forget that It Is.
But in this playground, we can forget that We Are.

In this plaground, Self can be a dog rolling in the grass, utterly having forgotten that We Are. And enjoying being a dog in the grass.

In this playground, Self can be a grandfather coddling his granddaughter, utterly having forgotten that He Is. And enjoying the limited view.

In this playground, Self can be a someone something, remembering Self again, and enjoying the Experience of re-membering.
And That Is Good.

Self can be a child dying.
And That Is Good.
One thing Self canNOT do – is forget that It Is,
and Experience being a child dying.
But a dying child CAN experience being a child dying.
and in the eyes of Self –
That Is Good.
It is Experience.
It is what takes Experience beyond the Nondual, beyond Omniscience
It’s Play in the Playground.

we’re in a playground
the playground is for taking Thought beyond where It’s been before
(Thought. Experience.)

and this playground is a smorgasbord of choices.
all of them.
all of the spiral, all quadrants, levels, lines, states, and types
all of the myriad choices of what it is to Be.

Including, being a perspective that doesn’t believe this poem.

Come. Let’s dance.

What are the 3 Bodies?

This content is an excerpt from a conversation.

Previously in the conversation we talked about empathy, mirroring, and what a reflection is. In
this post the conversation continues.



i believe is related to an earlier discussion you and i had with
regard to what i think you spoke of as the levels/stages of reflection.

Ah…now levels/stages is a totally separate topic from empathy/ reflection.

In KW’s work, we have 3 bodies, each body has an associated “state” of consciousness.

– gross/physical body – awake state
– subtle body – dream state
– causal body – deep-sleep state.

We are capable of recognizing each of these “states of consciousness” and “3 bodies”. When we are awake, there’s a physical, tangible world. When we’re dreaming, we see images, we feel emotions, but then we wake to find that our physical body has been just laying in bed for 8 hours. In the deep-sleep state we’re utterly peaceful, expansive, in a place of ‘no-thingness’.

So now think of the 3 bodies as an ever-expanding sphere.

In the gross/physical body, we have tangibles, we have body-centric sensations (first stage – if you stump your toe, suddenly you’re entirely hijacked by the body-experience….if we’re too hungry, over-tired, when we orgasm, all of these gross-body states can overwhelm us and are more visible / more present to us than the other states).

In the subtle body, we have intangibles – emotion, chakra sensations that are not associated with a particular organ (heart-break isn’t in the physical heart; a lump in your throat isn’t an actual lump), images (close your eyes and don’t think of pink elephants)… We can “do a guided meditation”, which is to say we can “expand beyond” our “simple bodymind personality experience”, for example into an “image of a crystal clear stream winding softly through a lush forest”. The images, emotions, and organ-independant sensations in our bodies belong to the subtle-body. Ever “sense” when someone is staring at you? Subtle field. Ever “feel” an angry person from across the room without looking? Subtle body. Ever have a great night where you felt like a million bucks, and you walk into a room and the whole room turns to look at you, because your energy body radiates into the entire room? Subtle field. Enough of that…close your eyes and “go to your happy place”.

In the causal body, we “expand” beyond image, imagination, or bodymind emotions. In this “peak state”, common experiences include feeling utterly at peace, utterly infinite, feeling one with everything, feeling as if you Are Everything. Non-duality is a discussion among those who’ve had causal “peak” experiences. Ever experience feeling one with nature? Causal peak experience.

Let’s not confuse causal oneness with the non-differentiated infant who feels one with everything, though. First we are non-differentiated, then we differentiate, then we are capable of differentiation but also capable of oneness.

Likewise, Deida refers to 3 Stages – first we’re me-centric, then i differentiate others and become “we-aware”, then i become aware of something beyond “us” into something far greater. 1st, 2nd, 3rd stage. Likewise, if I’m having a “1st stage moment” i’m probably focused on the toe i stumped that hurts, or the growl in my stomach (all gross-body phenomena). If I’m having a 2nd stage moment I’m probably doing an “I’m ok, are you ok?” we-space check. If I’m having a 3rd stage moment I’m capable of tuning into and taking care of me, I’m capable of tuning into and taking care of you / other / us….and now I can – as an act of art, as full choice, as an expanded act connected into a far larger system than the personalities of you and me, make another choice that transcends you, me, or even the system of the tangible world…

1st, 2nd, 3rd.

I think we were talking about the 3 stages relative to Sasha’s growth (or yours, for that matter, in terms of your needs-consciousness). Previously, you were largely unexpressed about your needs in terms of making requests (a 1st state area of development) but you’d try to meet your needs subversively. In the 2nd stage, we get masterful at making requests to meet our own needs in a way that also is in concert with the needs of the other. In 3rd stage practice, we can now adeptly attend to our needs, attend to others’ needs, or drop needs altogether and transcend them into our Infinite Self, or we can include them and play the bodymind like an instrument and choose to attend, or refuse to attend, to needs as a face of Love, as an experiment in “What Opens Us/Other/System/Infinite more fully?”.

Ask me questions if any of this sounds fuzzy – i’ve had Pinot Noir tonight. *wink*

What is a Reflection / Empathy Guess?

Another excerpt of an email conversation!


in our conversation last night, i found myself tripping up on
offering you a reflection of your feelings vs telling stories.

a classic, textbook reflection / empathy / mirroring is simply 2 parts:

Feeling + Need + ?

(hehehe..3parts, it helps if it’s a question, not a statement).

Ex: are you (feeling) concerned because you need to trust you’re safe?
Ex: are you (feeling) flustered because you’d like clarity?

If it’s a statement, you revert to education rather than inviting the other to check in with themselves. The idea behind empathic reflections/mirroring is not only about mutual understanding; it also helps the speaker get self-connected and reduce emotional hijack. But if you say it as a statement (ex: “Oh i get it you’re concerned b/c you want to be safe” the other person may not take it well “stop psychoanalyzing me!” or “don’t tell me who i am!!”). Keeping it as a question helps them hear your guess as just that – a guess – which helps them to self-connect while they check out the guess.

Meanwhile, the whole “Are you Feeling because you Need XYZ” — this crap gets canned and corny really quick, so once we get the F/N base, we can go a bit more colloquial:

Ex: so do i get that you’re upset b/c you really want companionship?
Ex: are you frustrated b/c you’d prefer to have more confidence i hear you?

One of the tricks of empathic reflection is NOT getting yourself caught into it. This is NOT about you, this is NOT about including you. Ex: “are you frustrated because i interrupted you” is not an empathy guess, it’s a mistake of you confusing strategy (what you did) with need (what stimulates the other person’s frustration). Instead, try “are you frustrated because YOU really want to be heard?”

This also helps us, as listener, get out of the blame-game, because we’re not confusing us with the internal experience of the other.

replace “are you irritated b/c you want me to not interrupt you”
with “are you irritated b/c you dearly want space to speak”

More colloquial flow comes when we get the concept beyond the form:

“Yeah, part of what i get is that when you’re not getting the kind of companionship you want, it’s frustrating for you and you feel lonely…you really WANT that companionship….is that right?”

Here i have the Feeling (frustrated, lonely) and the need (companionship), but it’s completely outside the form of “are you F b/c you N…?”

Here’s another:

“I imagine it’s confusing for you to not know what to do, because you’d really like the clarity and the sense of understanding how to move forward. Is that right?”

Again I have the Feeling (confusion) and the need (clarity, understanding), and it’s still in the form of inquiry (“is that right?”), but it’s totally out of the form of “F + N + ?”.

The common habits we’re trained include lots of slippery slopes. One, is we mix up “feel like’ and “feel that” with “feelings”. When we start with “feel like’ or “feel as if” – whatever comes next will be a thought, an image, a story. “I feel like she’s being an idiot”. That’s not a “feeling”, feelings are internal emotions separate from others. I can feel sad, happy, delighted, irritated, confused, anxious. These are “feelings”. “I feel like this just isn’t going to work” isn’t a “feeling”, it’s a thought, an assessment, a conclusion your mind has come to. When we talk about our thoughts, assessments, and conclusions, we risk putting forward points for debate. When we talk about our feelings, we’re merely stating internal states; who can argue with that. “I’m feeling sad.” “No you’re not!”


So by talking about feelings (not thoughts, stories, or assessments) we make it easier for others to hear our deepest intentions without distraction.

Likewise, we can go a slippery slope on the Needs bit, too. Ex: “I need you to shut up” is not a need, it’s what i want as a strategy. Anytime we follow “need” with “you/him/her/me” or say “need to”, odds are we’re ending with a strategy. Just like thoughts, when we talk about strategies instead of underlying universal needs, we have room for combat, debate, argument.

Ex: “I need you to clean your room” / “I don’t want to!!”
instead, try “I dearly need order” (now we can collaborate on a strategy to meet your need in a way that works for both of us.

When we talk, think, and ask questions in terms of NEEDS inquiry, we have a powerful tool for creativity and resourcefulness; I like to say there are 10K strategies to meet a need. But when we talk in terms of thoughts, strategies, and assessments, we quickly paint ourselves into a corner that’s hard to get out of.

Ex: “I just feel like this isn’t working” (doesn’t give me options, does it?)
Ex: “I am SO frustrated – I really want this to be easier for us!!” (now you can make a request that will help things get easier) “Can we just take a breath and hold hands for a few minutes while we think up ideas?”

So – bottom line:

Empathy guess / reflection / mirroring in TIA consists of 90% needs-awareness, 10% emotional awareness (cuz it helps us more powerfully express the depth of the yearning).

Ex: Are you F b/c you N….?
Ex: Are you delighted because you’ve had so much play this week?
Ex: I imagine you’re sad, cuz you want more support, huh?
Ex: Is it that you’re bewildered b/c you’d really like to get a handle on what’s going on? (“get a handle on” is colloquial for “understanding”/”clarity”).

Does this help you make more sense of what i’m hoping for when i say i need “reflection”, or “empathy”?

Thank you Love!

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