a loving “no”
i so, so much want the promise of what you have to offer
oh boy do i.
i also want to trust you,
for me to trust you, i need to feel your love in your strength
i felt your sword and your capacity for hardness
for me to trust you, i also need to experience your equanimity
i felt your drive and your capacity
for me to trust you, i also need to feel your presence
i felt your interest for ‘getting in my pants”, and appreciated your playful humor
to trust you, i also need to feel your reverence
so wonderfully enjoying your strength, your capacity, your drive,
your ability to make hard lines,
your capacity to “test” me….
to aggressively confront…
or to knowingly walk away….
i cherish this part of your masculine.
and with this dynamic alone, i don’t wish to play.
meanwhile the child in me
that feared my father,
so afraid of him leaving me or dismissing me,
feared standing up for what i want
i’m no longer afraid.
i cherish your strength, your hardness, your capacity.
and – for our collaboration –
i yearn for more than that
more power – a power so full it can be chivalrous
in service, rather than touting its greatness
if we’re to unite in vision and action,
i lovingly invite nothing less
i lovingly invite