I had another one of “those” experiences today – the Hurlyburly kind of experiences – the kind where I get pushed out of a moving vehicle because the driver is a paranoid who doesn’t understand that when I say, “Jack In The Box”, I’m neither talking code nor am I trying to offend him – I’m simply talking about loving fast food.

It’s crazy making.

In this case, the first “push out of a moving vehicle” was me being accused of unprofessionalism and shaming someone, when what I was really talking about was wanting to work at a rate that I enjoy. He apparently was mortified that I’d reject his request that I work at less than 1/3 of my usual fee. I take no issue with his desire to hire someone at his rate; I just am not personally available for that rate right now. Normally I try to go above and beyond the call of duty if I can help – refer the client to another professional. But in this case I couldn’t even do that – I don’t know anyone who works at the rate he wants. So I told him I couldn’t recommend anyone.

This conversation resulted in me getting labeled (unprofessional) and banished (“bad taste”) and accused of “writing a shaming reply”.

Normally I bite my tongue on moments like this, use the law of two feet, and take me somewhere more fun and less … painful.

But I’ve assigned myself a practice in more frequent expression and less frequent self-extraction from the scene, so I spoke up about it. His response was, “it’s not worth arguing about”.

Of course not.

Then it happened with someone else.

Imagine the scene:

I am on the phone with a friend who asks me my constraints for a meet-up (presumably because he was trying to arrange a meeting). I shared my constraints, imagining that he’d now take the info and use it to make a proposal for our meet.


Instead, he grabs onto the content of my constraints and starts explaining HIS position on MY constraints.

Huh? Did I ask for that? No.

So then I tell him I’m confused: he asked my constraints, I gave them, NOW what would he like to DO about the meet? Wasn’t that why he asked my constraints in the first place – so that we could make a plan on when to get together?

He wraps up the conversation by saying that we have “communication differences”.

F*** me.

Am I insane to think that if someone asks a question and I answer it, it’ll be used for the original intent rather than used to digress to a second conversation?

My sister says, “Get used to it. Men are idiots.”

I prefer to live viewing the world with more innocent eyes. But I’m sure you can tell I’m a bit frustrated that this even happens.

Whoever the writer of Hurlyburly is, he/she is a f***ing genius. A true representation of the insanity of life. For all my spiritual practices, this phenomena still breaks my heart and makes me want to grab a burger and head home alone again. Thank you Universe for AFGO.

By the way, don’t watch Dancer In The Dark right after watching Hurlyburly, and then turn around and watch The TV Set.  Really depressing for anyone with a rational brain. Talk about the insanity of living in the modern world where people don’t hear each other, make assumptions rather than realize and check them out, and the people who do listen deliberately twist words and accountabilities to suit their own agendas.

Makes me want to pull out my hair.

It SOOOoooo doesn’t have to be this hard!!

Any advice, anyone, for how I can live with this without dying of heartbreak or going crazy or turning even *more* reclusive?

Off to the gym,

grieving girl

“Insanity sometimes is the sane response to a mad society” — Ronald David Laing


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