Archive for December, 2008

Crying with Joy


I just got a package in the mail today from – Not unbidden – I made a donation in October. But this package blew my mind.

I’m sitting here in tears…tears for the heartbreak and joy of how gifting so little can mean so much to others….tears for the pleasure of seeing the joy in those kids eyes because of the project I funded…tears for the joy of seeing the results of offering just a little bit of love where I could –

Results of Donation

The package has pictures – lots and lots of pictures – and thank you notes from the children who were touched by the donation…

The best part is – doing something that for me was small and easy, contributed to delight and play and awareness and growth for 20 kids.

Results of Donation

Check out, won’t you?

  • You get to pick what project you fund.
  • You even get to pick WHERE your donation goes.
  • You get updates and feedback when it’s done.

I chose to fund a whole project, and even *that* was possible with just a small donation.  I funded this project with $300, but for me that was totally easy at the time.

Even if you only have $5 you can gift these kids.

Check it out, won’t you?

Still teary,


I’m having a fantastic glass of Clos du Bois 2004 (or two)…a feat I generally only take on about once in a 3-4 month cycle….along with a flaming rant or two.

So here’s my quarterly Rant-page.

I need these occasionally – I know I’m just grieving my yearning to be loved, devoured, desired.

But I do hope you enjoy it with the same dark humor I have!
dark girl


If you had a terminal disease, what would you do to die complete?
I got news for ya’, we all have a terminal disease –
it’s called Life.
100% mortality rate.
Tomorrow’s not promised to you.
What are you waiting for???

Rant 1

“What else do you want to know about me?”
For the 10th time, you say.
What?? It’s getting a little bit old.
That’s very funny, Casanova.
Ever heard, “make it all about her”?
Here’s your question –
What do you think you have
to open me
that’s better
than every other emotional/spiritual 12-year-old
who wants to be up inside me?
You’re so funny, Narcissismo.
Rant 2

I’m so sick of
men collapsing
I say I’m poly – he says he’s sad.
I won’t mother his fears – now he’s hurt and mad
I can’t open my mouth without him collapsing!
What’s so painful
that death can’t conquer it?
Please figure out how to burn through it
Find your freedom
Don’t bury it. Burn through it to Transcendance.
In other words –
Get a freaking backbone!

I have more, but I think that’s quite enough for now.

LOL ok one more – all my fave music in one fell swoop:

Freedom from Fear

The bodymind bracing against some possible future pain.
The thoughts and emotion we experience when the ego/bodymind is trying to protect us from pain.

Worry / seeking reassurance / seeking understanding:
Forms of fear; the bodymind’s attempt to console fear; bracing against the pain of loss of some universal need (security, companionship, deep connection, etc)

Freedom from fear comes
not from reassurance, not from understanding, and not from solution. Freedom from fear doesn’t come from ascending into peak states of meditation.

These things only hide the fear.

Remove the reassurance, understanding, the solution, or the peak state and the fear returns.

Freedom from fear only comes when we confront it or embrace it. when we open to the thing we’re bracing against, when we embrace it, fear evaporates.

Confronting fear / opening to it means to
lean into the emotion of the fear – feel it – and then
a.) connect with the universal need/yearning at the root of it and
b.) release the “ick” of it (grieve the pain of the yearning) until
c.) realization of Infinite Self emerges and the fear naturally evaporates.

Embracing fear means to do this cycle:
a.) invite the thoughts of the ‘worst case scenario’
b.) ask, “ok, so? and then what?”
c.) repeat until realization of Infinite Freedom emerges and the fear naturally evaporates.

Confront fear or embrace it, and what you’re left with is the Face of Spirit – conscious connection to the universal need, free of the emotional charge.

From this place your state is resourceful, grounded, able to take effective action, and able to make powerful requests for Emergence.

Anything else is consoling fear, capitulating to fear, and acting out of being hijacked by fear. All of these are forms of personal slavery to fear.

For many of us the ultimate fear is fear of death, ultimate loss.

While we brace against loss or pain, we are slaves to our fear.

Confront fear. Release the bodymind tension.

Do It!

  1. Name one fear you have.
  2. Choose explicitly – do you wish to be a slave to your fear, or free of it?
  3. Choose which method you’re going to use to free yourself from your fear: to confront it, or to embrace it.
  4. Use the appropriate practice above. Get help; it’s hard to both go deep in doing the work AND also holding the process container. Get someone else to hold the process.

For more information, or to receive support to evaporate fear, call Toll-Free 1.877.535.5438 .

For more practical strategies on conscious living, and to receive a free Ebook, click here.

I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing…

This is an extract from an email conversation I’m having…


In wonder at the Witnessing of It All…

Thank you for sharing this with me! I feel deep reverence and deep tenderness hearing it – cherishing that you’d share your truth with me (no matter how painful, no matter how you fear i might respond).

Thank you.

> When I think of me and you and polyamory I feel sad, to be honest.


I know You know this already —

((( I hope that by re-naming it it might either support you, or give us something fun to play with together in conversation later — )))

The yearning in you – the universal need
that gives rise in you to this sadness
is a key to your Fullness – to your spiritual opening and Being.
a key to Who You Most Deeply Are.

Find that universal need, that yearning,
and grieve / release the ache of it.
When you can crystallize out the power of the yearning
from the emotion of the sadness,
Whatever universal need / yearning you’re left with,
You’ll be able to use powerfully toward your own
exquisite fulfillment….satisfaction….delight….
You can use to open the world.

Here’s an article a friend just sent me that plays through this inquiry
starting with the emotion of jealousy,
and through the process
reveals Source and Freedom:

For you – replace every occurrence of the word ‘jealousy’
with the word ‘sadness’
and then see where the process begins to feel true for YOU.

With reverence, love, and blessings,

Louis Black on Homeland Security

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love Louis Black.

“Homeland security is a problem. It’s a good idea, but it’s a problem because the man who runs it is Tom Ridge, and he is someone who has the leadership qualities of a gerbil. He was a part of coming up with what is known as the color coded system of security. You know, orange, and yellow, and what ever the f*** the others are. And what’s stupid about it is they have the color coding. LIKE WE’RE IN F***IN’ ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!! There’s no need for that. Because every time they tell us what the color is, then they have to f***in’ EXPLAIN it, so GET RID OF the f***in’ color! Simplify it. There should be three levels of security: ‘Jesus Christ’, ‘God damn it!’, ‘F*** ME!'”

lol ohhhhhhh

Jealousy and Polyamory

A friend sent me this link which I think is a SENSATIONAL treatment of the subject, and the opportunity, of jealousy.

Thank you Tom Goddard!!!


PS: what is polyamory? click here.

On Involution and Evolution

Involution: the inverse movement from Spirit to matter, which preceded evolution. Spirit “involves” itself in matter, and takes on layer after layer of “material” bodies until it reaches the Nadir of existence in the material plane. From that moment on (evolution occurs), Spirit moves upwards again, transcending (evolving through) layer after layer, untill it returns to it’s point of departure in the Divine.(see also here)

Through the concept of “involution and evolution” we can hold both a.) the truth of the limited bodymind (ego) as separate from Divinity and b.) the truth of individual interconnectedness with the Divine such that we are, consciously or unconsciously, a Face of the Divine.

See also: Webpage on “The Involution-Evolution Arc”
See also: Wikipedia page on this subject.
See also: YouTube video on the subject.

The Involution-Evolution Arc (quoted from this page)

The yin-yang diagram shows reality as a circle. The Involution-Evolution Arc in contrast is linear (although it can also form a circle (left). Spirit descends or falls into Matter, then ascends back to Spirit. This basic cosmological principle is found in Samkhya and Kashmir Shaivism among the Indian philosophies, and Christianity, Gnosticism, Manichaeism, Neoplatonism, Sufism and Kabbalah in the Middle Eastern and Western systems of thought. In the 19th and early 20th centuries it was represented by the Theosophy of Blavatsky, the Anthroposphy of Steiner, the Integral Yoga of Sri Aurobindo, and the teachings of Meher Baba. These are all metaphysical systems of thought. However the inventor and philosophy Arthur Young proposed a scientific version which illustrates stages in terms of increasing degrees of restriction or freedom (very much like Gurdjieff’s cosmology in this regard)

The Involution and Evollution Arc according to Arthur M YoungIf we have (following the mandala and tetrakys models) four planes of existence altogether, then the descending-ascending principle passes through seven evolutionary stages altogether (3 descending, 1 at the bottom, and 3 ascending). Seven is another one of those fundamental numbers, but more so in esotericism and metaphysics than in mathematics or science (although Arthur Young does present philosophical arguments for the validity of the seven). Thus seven planets, metals, celestial spheres etc in ancient Mithraism and Chaldeism, seven chakras (subtle organs of consciousness) in Shakta Tantra, forty-nine (7 x 7) days of intermediate (between death and rebirth) existence in the Tibetan Book of the Dead, seven levels on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, seven planes, cycles, root races, subtle bodies, etc in Theosophy, and so on.

Thank you Love!

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