Hi again. 🙂 How are you?
Well I’m writing this post because I’ve not written a post in a while…because I’ve not returned most emails or phone calls in a while…because I wanted to share what’s new….all of the above…. 😉
It’s been a trying last year for me. As you may know, I was struggling with fibroids so debilitating that my cycles lasted 15 days every month and about a week of that with such severe blood loss that I literally could not get out of bed from exhaustion; walking the 12 feet to my bathroom would make me dizzy; lifting my arms took effort. I worried I’d start needing transfusions. The osteopath I went to told me I had several deficiencies – of course anemia, with my hemoglobin stores down to 4 out of 11, B-12, vitamin D, vitamin A, etc etc etc… The iron supplements and multi-vitamins I took to combat the drain on my system made me nauseous, as did the Chinese herbs I was taking to try to reduce the fibroids, so when I was not in bed exhausted I was almost constantly nauseous. To top it off, insomnia plays a huge part of my day-to-day life – which really messes me up both in mental clarity and in emotional stability. And did I mention my RLS had gotten worse?
Thank goodness I think I’m finally coming out of this very long freefall I’ve been in. The Chinese herbs seem to be having an affect and I suffer less nausea. The last 2 months have been progressively improving (slightly reduced blood loss). The last 2 months my cycle dropped from 15 days to 13. This month Rumi and I even went out one night!
For any women who may be reading – estrogen dominance really messed up my system – be careful! For me the result was fibroids, uterine cysts, cervical dysplasia (pre-cancer), hot flashes (the result of suddenly plummeting estrogen when estrogen was too high previously), complications with adrenal fatigue and spiking cortisol levels (which contributed to the insomnia and made my RLS worse). Turns out it’s also a factor in breast cancer, uterine cancers, enlarged prostates, weight gain (estrogen binds to salt and increases water retention) – it’s bad, and I’m mortified that western medicine doesn’t have a better handle on this yet.
I’m finally beginning to get a handle on it it seems, but it’s taken acupressure, daily yoga, 2 kinds of Chinese herbs, changes in my diet, changing all soap products (no SLS), and several daily tinctures to begin to make a difference.
Finally now I can see the results of my estrogen levels stabilizing to ‘more normal’ (as long as I stay on my regimens religiously).
No surprise, all of this coincided with me going through a kind of mid-life crisis, a kind of ego-death devastating most of how I used to operate. Thank goodness. I came from a world of trying to be independent, highly competent, so smart and skilled and talented that I’d be loved and wanted and worthwhile to people around me. Hard gig. 😉
Now I’m letting go, and letting Be. Thank goodness. It’s easier. And I’m experiencing more settled in my body, more softness, more ease.
The results of the change have included me deciding that I will ‘retire’ my coaching practice and my coach certification business. This was a hard decision for me, given that this baby of mine has been the main purpose poking me every day and keeping me structured for … well, for my entire adult life. Who am I without TIA or my coaching business? Who am I when I’m not trying to make the world a better place that I can feel safe in and feel like I belong in?
This has been part of the discovery process of this last many months. I’m still learning.
I don’t think any of this is only about biochemistry or about a cycle of human development. I think it’s about the way fear has been the foundational underpinning of my life until now, showing up as body bracing so severe that it created stagnation in my uterus. I think it’s about the way my entire family constellation may be suffering the wound of not feeling loved for the love that each of us are.
And I think it’s about the Ascension process that I believe is a part of humanity’s evolution that is beginning to take a strong hold on all of us right now, ever more each day.
I think this ‘time’ is about a cleaning process. I’m cleaning out biochemically, emotionally, and in my daily life tasks. I’m not able to push anything anymore, I’m being forced to live more and more from Love. What is next? What Love moves me now? What do I not really Love that needs to transition out of my life? What Love have I not expressed or cultivated that wants to express through me right now?
Are you experiencing any of this? Is your appetite changing, literally or metaphorically? Are you noticing any cleansing or purging happening in your life?
Anyway, I look forward to seeing what the new chapter will look like. I hope that reading this will help you understand why I’ve been so out of touch and out of sight.
And I hope it may contribute to your clarity for what you or someone you know may be going through.
For me, for now, I’m going to wrap this up and see what calls me next.
Many blessings for a holy, easier New Year to you.