For what it’s worth, and with great vulnerability, here’s a node of my current bodymind puppetry. I’m posting this as a fishing expedition, because I’m feeling quite truly at my wits’ end. What do you think? Email me privately please. Mayagayam at gmail.
Once upon a time, the strategy was to land myself within a “co-created community of gnostic / priesty peers” – and if I couldn’t find it I tried to create it around me. But travelling the world I didn’t find it; my current energy levels limit most travel. Then I learned that to make community is too slow and too much wrestling – far more work than I want to manage, and takes far more directing / driving than I enjoy.
What was that strategy attempting to feed, anyway? This question brings me to this –
I am still dealing with this existential crisis – what do I do with the body to:
– care for my needs for belonging
– care for my needs for purpose (which would give me clarity and direction)
– provide for my needs for care, comfort and security for the body
– care for my needs for touch, sexual expression, and companionship
– care for my needs for community where I feel seen and wanted, met and appreciated, loved and desired
– care for my need to exercise the feminine and the capacities and the mystic and the I Am of me, in tandem with the body
– care for my needs for engagement and joy in my gnostic-heartful-sexy-playful-intelligent-tipheret ways and beyond
– all within a context of fluidity, ease, restfulness, balance and in integrity with myself
The answer to this would answer other questions like, “what do I choose relative to the other puppets I meet along the way?”
And, I’m aware that this is all fundamentally nothing more than puppet talk. I remember the conversation asking me to come here. Who sent me here to begin with and why?
— update, end of March —
Well in the absence of human response to this post, nonetheless the Guardians Guide. I find the answer is in the question itself. I read “Dragon’s Play” section 9, and I feel mySelf again. Thank you all for reading.