Archive for the 'Human Dev' Category

How to Ruin a Conversation

I’m learning a lot, so I thought I’d share. Plus if you’re really good, you can use these to ruin an entire relationship, not just a conversation. Good luck!

1. Respond to others’ playfulness with contradictory statements instead of a simple smile. Do Not follow the improvisational rule of “yes – and…”, not even for two seconds. That’s too dangerous.

2. Hear others’ expression of pain as a personal criticism. Take it very personally. Get butt hurt. Don’t be curious about what is alive in them. Above all, do Not consider that you might have accidentally stepped on toes in the first place.

3. Talk all about yourself. For 10 minutes, 20 minutes, a half hour, 2 hours even. Don’t ask questions about the other person. Above all, do Not be curious.

3.5  If you do make the mistake of asking a question, be sure to interrupt the reply mid-sentence. Return to point 3.

3.75 Fill every spare second with talk, preferably about yourself. Don’t take a breath after you speak. Definitely don’t take 2 breaths. And be sure to start talking As Soon as the other person’s face hole has taken a tiny pause. Return to item 3.

4. Assume you know, Everything. There’s no way it’s possible someone has a valid point of view you haven’t considered. No way. You’ve travelled the world, you’ve seen it all, surely you must know it All. You’re Omniscient. You’re God.

5. Make everything you encounter “good” or “bad”. It’s not possible that there is no such thing as good and bad, only different perspectives. Above all, be sure to apply this to yourself. It’s not that all things can be both good/bad depending on the situation, it’s that You are bad, or good. There’s no both/and. And there’s no grey area.

6. When someone else is trying to tell you their feelings and needs to resolve an issue, attack them for being “overly sensitive” or for “giving you a hard time”. Resolving issues is Such a Bother.

7. Be fearful. Presume the new person you’re talking to must be crazy. Call them names as soon as you can and run screaming for the hills. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

8. Do not take in what people tell you. If they tell you they aren’t available, insist they contact you so that You can feel better. Disregard their boundaries. If they say they don’t want single line emails, don’t listen, don’t honor their requests. See item 6.

9. Focus on the past. That was terrible. Oh no saying that was terrible too. Forget that there is a person, right here, right now, standing in front of you. Don’t smile, don’t laugh. You have more important things to think about than what’s right here right now. That was terrible. When this fails, try item 10.

10. Focus on the future. Run that train of projection and fantasy wayyyyy off into the land of what we could do. Or build a scary scenario in your mind about the horrors. Either way, forget that there’s a person you could look at, right here, right now. Don’t look them in the eye. Don’t just Be with them right now. Hey, what are your plans for next month? Oh, and remember to get butt hurt when they ask for one step at a time. See point 6.  When this fails, return to item 9.

11. Never take responsibility for your actions. If it’s pointed out that you stepped on toes, or acted out one of the items in this list, quickly and without reservation Deny, Deny, Deny! Then spin it and ridicule them for speaking up. See item 6 for ideas.  How dare they!

Congratulations!  Now you’re well on your way to ruining conversations and relationships!

Have fun!

Current Puppetry

For what it’s worth, and with great vulnerability, here’s a node of my current bodymind puppetry.  I’m posting this as a fishing expedition, because I’m feeling quite truly at my wits’ end.  What do you think?  Email me privately please.  Mayagayam at gmail.

Once upon a time, the strategy was to land myself within a “co-created community of gnostic / priesty peers” – and if I couldn’t find it I tried to create it around me. But travelling the world I didn’t find it; my current energy levels limit most travel. Then I learned that to make community is too slow and too much wrestling – far more work than I want to manage, and takes far more directing / driving than I enjoy.

What was that strategy attempting to feed, anyway? This question brings me to this –

I am still dealing with this existential crisis – what do I do with the body to:
– care for my needs for belonging
– care for my needs for purpose (which would give me clarity and direction)
– provide for my needs for care, comfort and security for the body
– care for my needs for touch, sexual expression, and companionship
– care for my needs for community where I feel seen and wanted, met and appreciated, loved and desired
– care for my need to exercise the feminine and the capacities and the mystic and the I Am of me, in tandem with the body
– care for my needs for engagement and joy in my gnostic-heartful-sexy-playful-intelligent-tipheret ways and beyond
– all within a context of fluidity, ease, restfulness, balance and in integrity with myself
?

The answer to this would answer other questions like, “what do I choose relative to the other puppets I meet along the way?”

?

And, I’m aware that this is all fundamentally nothing more than puppet talk. I remember the conversation asking me to come here.  Who sent me here to begin with and why?

— update, end of March —

Well in the absence of human response to this post, nonetheless the Guardians Guide.  I find the answer is in the question itself.  I read “Dragon’s Play” section 9, and I feel mySelf again.  Thank you all for reading.

A Dream of Bipartisan Resolution

WE…don’t resolve anything…like This.

WE…Resolve things….when we sit Together….side-by-side…and ask,
“What do you Value?”.

Notice I didn’t ask, “What do you WANT?”  Because if you ask a CEO what he Wants, and he says he wants a million dollars, well what if we don’t Have a million to Give him?  We’re stuck and fighting again.

We ask, “What do you VALUE?”

Now if INDEPENDENCE is what he values, now we can find out ways to do That in a way that works for Everyone.

We Sit Down, and we Figure It OUT…
Together.

True Definition of Compersion – A Rant

In 2005 I was invited to speak at a polyamory conference.  I was new to the whole concept of ethical non-monogamy, and at that conference I learned and experienced this definition for this word:

Compersion – the joy one feels from witnessing another’s joy.

This moved me so deeply.  We see compersion on children when one kid smiles radiantly while witnessing another kid’s joyful play and fun.  I enjoyed compersion routinely as a coach, when I saw clients go from a place of struggle to a place of freedom – I felt profound joy when I saw them experiencing the joy of their newly discovered freedom.

I thought, “Ohhhhhh…Thank Goodness…the world is learning to tap into a more abundant source of our shared joy and delight…”  I had hope that this word would influence the mainstream and help awaken all of humanity to more of our Divine Hearts, our Christ Consciousness, our Spiritual Essences having a Human Awakening.

But somehow, in the last 10 years, the definition of Compersion on the Internet has become sexualized, twisted, and impacted by flagrant reductionism.

Now when I search for “define compersion” – I get these kinds of definitions:

– The joy a lover feels when his lover is having sex with another.

– A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.

– The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy.

Wikipedia, For Cripe Sake, in its most brilliant coup of massive irresponsibility that I’ve seen yet, redirects “compersion” to “polyamory”, as if one was synonymous with the other!  JEEZ.

Compersion, people, has Nothing To Do with Sex.  It also has Nothing to do with Polyamory, Jealousy or Relationships.  The term “compersion” came alive in common use in poly circles because people who Love Joy – Feel Compersion – Often.  But that doesn’t make Compersion any more about polyamory than using the word “computer”, which poly folk also use often.

Compersion is about face of Appreciation – anyone who has the capacity to open their heart to appreciate the joy of another human being is capable of experiencing compersion.

One might be standing on a corner, see a total stranger across the street dancing in great joy (see also, Ellen Dance Dares) – and feel compersion – the joy of witnessing the other person’s joy.

One might be babysitting a toddler, see the toddler squeal in happiness over a toy, and feel compersion – the joy of witnessing the toddler’s joy.

One might be with a sibling, talking about his or her passion for photography, and feel compersion – experiencing joy for the sibling’s joy.

“I’m so moved and happy that you’re so happy.”  When this statement is true, it’s a reflection of Compersion.

Yes, it’s true that folks who are living responsible committed plural relationships experience compersion about their Beloveds’ joys – but any monogamous person with emotional maturity will also Experience Joy when their Loved Ones Have Joy.

Compersion can happen in sexual and plural-relationship environments, but Not Only in sexual and plural relationship environments.

So please, folks, let’s stop reducing life and joy to The Sexing and let’s remember the full breadth of our Divine Nature to Appreciate and Love, please?

Compersion – The feeling of profound Joy one experiences while experiencing another human being in Joy.

I hope for all of us to experience more Compersion, Every Day.

Signed,

The Indignant Face of Love

 

 

Your Unique Face of Spirit

Distortions and Faces of Love

(pre-requisites – needs consciousness, griefwork and releasework, aptitude to discern resolution vs residue, aptitude to discern strategies and core values)

Love – Needs

Attending to underlying needs is a path to reveal the true Face of Spirit.

(Not “meeting” the needs – Attending to them. Paying attention. Being with them.)

God is in the asshole; the needs are the face of One’s Divinity.

The needs are the path to the Face of Spirit.
Not the needs that are rooted in unresolved residue – those are distortions. Attend to them long enough, without diversion, and the residue will release and resolve.

The needs are the path to the Face of Spirit.
Not the needs that are unconsciously a means for other needs. I learned to contribute and be accomplishing and effective; unbeknownst to me that was a means FOR my needs for belonging and security. The “sin” (off center, off Truth) of expressing the accomplishing and effectiveness nearly killed me. The authentic expression of the yearning for belonging and security is, in this case, universal and Holy.

Attending to needs is the decendant path to freedom.

Decendant path to freedom

Residing with the need – attending to the need
sitting on the curb with it
that is Love’s expression

With Love’s expression, the need evaporates
there’s a fractional ego-death
and we become a more accurate expression of the Face of Love
we become No One (without ego)

Attending to the needs is a fractional form of re-membering

(We are not human beings having a spiritual awakening.  We are spiritual beings having a human awakening.)

And with a daily practice of fractional remembering,
the ego purifies;
This is spiritual hygiene.

When all is said and done, you will walk on water too.

Rules For Relating

My 20s and 30s were all about ruling people in or out of my life. I had very overt, and very subtle, ways I would do that.  Now, I’m learning I want different – I want to live in practicing, “How do we find each other (again)”?

Walking Easily Together

I want community who “walks easily together” – where, in the face of issues, we find heart-connected shared-understanding and resolution fluidly and easily together. In practice, I find that’s only possible with friends who – when hearing an issue – embody empathy, easily take on new perspectives, who are curious and receptive in the face of issues (without defensiveness), who fluidly own responsibility for their contributions to issues, and who have a commitment to restoration and resolution first and foremost. Many people focus instead on dedicating energy to “winning the argument” or “being right”, which solves nothing. Some get sidetracked in reacting to the issue – which creates a second issue where they need to “be seen” or be “seen innocent”. It helps if we can resolve the first issue AND THEN come back to the second one.


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