Archive for the 'Human Dev' Category

Sorting Out Political Correctness

I was recently asked to watch a video debating the subject of political correctness.

This is my reply.

Thank you for this link, Dick. (I am not name calling, that is his actual name.)

Since you asked me to look at this, I would love to address two points about it: one being the failure of debate and the other being the failure of the label of “political correctness”.

The Failure of Debate

When we argue a subject cognitively, theoretically, based on beliefs and positions, it can be extremely difficult to generate win-win solutions because the goal of debate isn’t to build bridges between values.

In debate, the goal is to win, to prove my point is more valuable than yours. It’s a win-lose game.

Debate disconnects us from our hearts and bodies and actions. And it disconnects us from each other.

Moreover, debate fails because it addresses a global category, a concept, instead of addressing a person or behavior. One cannot eat an elephant all at once, one can only digest it one bite at a time.

Values, not Labels

Debating the concept of “political correctness” underscores the underlying problem with political correctness: the concept is (as best as I can tell) almost always disconnected from the core values. The phrase “political correctness” is a label that does not specify what specifically we actually want.

What core values are we standing up for when we ask someone not to use the word nigger? Respect. Are there are situations where human beings have used that word in loving, respectful ways toward each other? Yes. So the issue is not about the word, because those who choose disdain will likely continue to treat others with distain even while they stop using the word. Addressing the word use is not helpful if we continue to ignore the underlying inflammation behind the distain.

Demands and arguments for political correctness fail because we debate the surface semantics instead of addressing the underlying core values.

Instead, I wish people would address the subject one bite at a time like this:

“Sir, I am sure you don’t mean any disrespect, but when you call me honey, I don’t experience respect. I’d like it better if you save pet names for if and when we are in a mutual, intimate relationship, please. Thank you.”

This speaks to the core values – respect, mutuality, authentic intimacy.

Here’s another option:

“I imagine you did not mean to insult me just now. Did you?”

By asking an individual to take a specific look at their specific behavior, we call them into personal responsibility.

Here’s another:

“Interesting. Why would you call me that/do that/say that?”

With an eye to core values, we can build bridges. We communicate, rather than punish. We open doors to win-win solutions instead of perpetuating polarized antagonism.

With values-based awareness, we stand, solidly, for the power of educating core values and empowering generative requests instead of the weak expressions of distain like namecalling, ridicule or belittling, “retard, fag, grab her pussy”.

(Generative requests are requests that generate win-win solutions. They resolve.)

Over time, if a person persists in distain or is unwilling to integrate requests, then you can choose to upgrade to a more direct heart-to-heart about why, or address needs for support that lead to their anger, or use the law of 2 feet and chose somewhere else. I believe that addressing pain, hate and anger would be far more effective than allowing our pained, disenfranchised neighbors to continue escalating from “politically incorrect” behavior to mass shootings.

Not all words are the problem they are made out to be. Sometimes people hear attack when there is none. Sometimes people treat others with distain even without words. Demanding “nice words” veils authenticity, obscures personal accountability and generates resentment by suppressing the issue instead of caringly resolving it.

If we want to see a company hire as many women as men, that is a measurable, specific, doable request. The categorical broad brush stroke called ”be politically correct” is not a specific, doable action that includes the other person’s values.

Some people are not willing to be sincere, and have deep rooted reasons for distain. We cannot address the underlying innocence without presence, care and dialogue.

By addressing the core values and making doable win-win requests, we can digest the subject one action at a time. We invite dialogue. We build bridges. We create deep resolution, not bandaids.

If the hope is to resolve culture wars, I don’t see us bridging this, or any other differences, unless we learn win-win resolutions based in core values and doable requests.

The title of this post is based on my 5-step win-win problem-solving tool called, “SORTTing It Out” (yes, 2 Ts).

If anyone reading this would like coaching to support more “political correctness“ in your life, work or community,  or to learn more about SORTTing It Out, you can contact me, or subscribe to my free newsletter for more details:
27 Tips For Sanity – https://TipsForSanity.com/subscribe

SORTTing Out Shyness

 I just posted this response on Quora, here:

Why am I so nervous, shy and self conscious in public – and how do I overcome them?

As a life coach and counselor for more than 20 years, I can tell you that there are many forms of process work which can help you answer your question and help you overcome your shy, nervous self-consciousness.

For example, in my work with clients I facilitate a process I call SORTTing It Out. The process shows how feelings like shyness or nervousness are, like a grumbling stomach, just symptoms pointing to underlying core values that are hungry to be fed. Care well for the core values, and the emotions resolve themselves.

Here are examples of what I mean:

For some clients, shyness and nervousness rises when they unconsciously want to be liked, appreciated, valued, and cherished. When we empower the client to better care for those needs, the shy, nervousness self-consciousness is replaced with simple requests, confidence, ease and natural radiance.

For some clients, shyness and nervousness comes from a body that learned as a child that groups of people are “unsafe”. This is especially true with clients who experienced ridicule or judgment as children. Resolve the childhood traumas, and the body finds its own infinite safety, and nervousness and shyness disappear.

In other words, to resolve shyness, care for the core values triggering the shyness and nervousness, or find a coach or wellness practitioner who can help you to do so.

Here are a few questions and resources to help you get started:

1. Imagine that the shy nervous aspect of you is another person. Have a conversation with it. What is it nervous about? What is it afraid of? What does it most deeply want that it’s not sure it’ll get, that makes it shy? Make a list of the answers.

2. Whatever list of answers you get from number 1, notice the underlying core values that the voices are trying to feed. For example, if one line is, “I’m scared I’m not good enough,” ask yourself, “what underlying need or value would be fed if I trust that I am good enough?” Maybe you will discover that you’d want to be good enough so that you will be loved. Or maybe you will discover that you want to be good enough so that you will be included and wanted. At some level, we all need to be loved, included, and wanted. Notice that there is an innocent desire underneath every scared, nervous voice.

3. Give yourself empathy for the underlying core values, or find someone who can. Exhale the feeling of scared, or nervous, and inhale how much you just want to be loved and wanted (or whatever the core value happens to be). With loving appreciation, just notice the underlying desire. Like a loving friend, just sit with the yearning and breathe deeply.

4. Notice the ways your body shifts. Notice how just getting a little empathy helps you feel better. Maybe you even felt a little bit of relief from the empathy just in these words. When you start to feel better, that’s proof that your psychology is getting some of the empathic care that it needs.

5. Once you are fully connected to the underlying core values, ask yourself, “what request can I make of myself or others to feed this need right here, right now, in 10 minutes or less?” Take action to feed your need right now. For example, if you discover that you feel shy because you want to be appreciated, what request could you make of yourself or others right now to feel appreciated? Maybe you will make a list of three things you appreciate about yourself. Maybe you will ask three friends to tell you something they appreciate about you. If you don’t know what to ask for, ask other people what they ask for, “What requests do you make when you want to feel appreciated?”

6. As you get more and more powerful at both self-empathy and making requests to care for your underlying needs, you won’t keep getting so shy or nervous or self-conscious. Eventually, you may even discover that the very needs themselves, well cared for this way, begin to simply evaporate. Doing the practice well, over time, we discover and reconnect to the infinite beings that we must truly are. We connect to our Highest Selves.

7. For more help with this practice, you can sign up (free) for 27 Tips For Sanity, at http://TipsForSanity.com/subscribe , get invitations to discount practice groups, or call the number there to receive coaching support.

Good luck with your practice! You can do it!

Quora Self-Care

I recently posted this answer on Quora.

This recipe rescued me from debilitating issues that kept me bedridden for the better part of 4years between 2012 and 2016.  My big turnaround came from protocol I built after years of research and study.

I hope you’ll gain as much benefit from it as I have throughout my life.

With blessings,

Maya

Q: How do I get rid of the shakes?

A:

1. Find out the cause. Do you drink coffee or alcohol take cocaine or other drugs? Do you eat 3 properly balanced meals a day (low blood sugar can make you shake)? Have you been in some accident or other physical trauma? Is the trigger emotional, biochemical, environmental, etc? Have you done comprehensive blood work including a nutritional panel and find out what deficiencies may be contributing to issues? Do you have habits of thought that contribute to tension, anxiety or panic? Have you seen an endocrinologist and/or a neurologist? Do you maintain proper electrolyte and water balance in your system? You may have to uncover multiple contributing factors before you can resolve your issue.

2. Give your system the support it needs. If the cause is psychological, get the psychological and emotional support you need (ex: an experienced counselor like me, or a licensed therapist). If the cause is physical, get a functional medicine doctor or nutritional counselor or some other professional who can help you track, repair and eliminate deficiencies. Do you test positive for MTHFR? Do you have heavy metal overload? Do you have fungal or other infections? Do you take probiotics for a healthy gut? You may have to heal multiple systems to resolve your issue.

3. Exercise. If you have an extraordinarily advanced, zen psychology and your blood work shows no deficiencies (practically impossible – most Americans are deficient in zinc, magnesium, iodine, vitamin K, choline and other essential nutrients), then you may need to try yoga or other meditative practices, along with other forms of exercise, that entrain your electrical system to calm, balance, strength, flexibility and endurance. Insufficient exercise can be a contributing factor.

Just like a luxury performance car, human beings are multi-faceted creatures with many systems. If you want your body to work better, you and your system support structures need to get better. In my work, we explore 10 aspects of the human system, all needing to work well together if you want to avoid and resolve problems.

If you’d like to learn more, or if you’d like a free consultation toward an ongoing coaching relationship, you can contact me at info at tipsforsanity dot com.

Good luck!

Laughing with the Dark

One path to Divine Peace is the path of balance, moderation, The Middle Way.  This path is a dance with, not against opposites. Yin and yang, darkness and light, both / and; the practice resists nothing, because anything we seek to resist is a mirror of our own opportunities to increase our own self-awareness, freedom and Divine Self-expression.

Paradoxically, however, integrating the darkness can’t be done while we’re resisting it. To integrate the darkness is to face the paper tiger (and I assure you, the paper is thin), to plummet into the abyss so deeply that there’s nothing left but to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Dance the Sacred Theater of the horrible macabre that you fear, unresisted, for just 90 seconds, and watch how it melts and transforms.

If the individual can watch the shadow with pure observation, from the depths of darkness we rise like the Phoenix, enlightened of our significance, full of humility, surrender, compassion and an extraordinary sense of humor, able to move fluidly and matter-of-factly again into the ever-renewing Now.

Ambi-Brained AI Dev Possibilities

I’ve just posted the following at this page:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/enlightenment-vs-integrated-intelligence-twain-liu/

Twain, hallelujah. In attemping to apply empathy and Emotional Intelligence to current tools in AI, I have come to the same conclusion again and again: garbage in, garbage out. While the bulk of our human understanding (and that of the bulk of AI developers) is inherently dominantly left-brained or right-brained, the outcomes of AI can only reveal and mirror our human limitations. Truly powerful development of AI will require stewards of more ambi-hemispheric, trans-developmental perspectives if we are to uncover the key(s) that can (computationally) fractally grow from origin seeds, to “learning”, “comprehension”, and beyond. AI of this nature would quickly, for example, be capable of a trans-conventional, trans-relativistic and trans-post-postmodern morality-beyond-morality, rivaling that of the master mystics (far beyond the comprehensional capacity of the majority of human beings) and would reveal to humanity a new stage in our collective development – the opportunity to differentiate the nature of mechanistic “thinking” from the more subtle, transpersonal aspects of Consciousness, allowing us to finally extend exploration in the sciences beyond a “separate parts” approach, into a “whole dynamic systems” approach and beyond, revealing to us greater awareness of the nature of Nature. I look forward to reading more of your work, and doing all I can to contribute to the birth of this new generation of AI. My compliments! – Maya Gail Taylor

Grow And Diffuse

I had a dream – it was Post Apocalypse. Few of us were left. People were talking about preventing starvation by gathering supplies from what was left. I told them that gathering remnant supplies was insufficient, soon we will run out of supplies to gather. We need to think about replenishing supplies. We need to plan to grow sufficient crops to feed our people, repicably, year after year.

But then it became clear that no one in our group knows how to grow food. I tell them life is resilient. I tell them we need to find seeds and plant them. I tell them we need to find food already growing in the earth. Finally everyone is on board, and the group disperses.

Then I was walking the perimeter of our camp, and I found explosive charges in the ground. Some were inert, already detonated, but some were still live charges. Very dangerous, these could kill people. I set about attempting to safely detonate the charges, one by one. It occurred to me that while human beings exist, there will always be someone making bombs, planting charges, that could explode in dangerous moments. Growing food is not enough. There also needs to be a cultural process for defusing charges before people get violent or get killed. Both are necessary in order to sustain a healthy population.

(Charges does not only refer to physical explosive devices. The word “charge” is also used to describe emotional states, as in, “It’s an emotionally charged subject.” The dream clearly points to addressing the aspect of human nature that innocently (and sometimes not so innocently) generates charges against other, charged subjects and charged situations.

At the end of the dream, someone else joined me. I was asked why I was doing this, if most vital thing to do now is to grow food. I replied, “what is the value of sustaining our population if we wind up getting our legs blown off by live charges anyway?” I explained that this function (diffusing the charges) is also necessary if we don’t want to blow ourselves up just walking around in our day-to-day life. I said that if there is no process among our individuals to diffuse charges, soon there are no safe places to walk without getting blown up.

I then taught the other how to safely diffuse the charges with me, and the two of us set about to our work.

Incidentally, I believe the best practice here is culturally practiced needs-conscious empathy for self, needs-consciousness empathy for other, and mediation based in needs consciousness and restorative justice.

How to Ruin a Conversation

I’m learning a lot, so I thought I’d share. Plus if you’re really good, you can use these to ruin an entire relationship, not just a conversation. Good luck!

1. Respond to others’ playfulness with contradictory statements instead of a simple smile. Do Not follow the improvisational rule of “yes – and…”, not even for two seconds. That’s too dangerous.

2. Hear others’ expression of pain as a personal criticism. Take it very personally. Get butt hurt. Don’t be curious about what is alive in them. Above all, do Not consider that you might have accidentally stepped on toes in the first place.

3. Talk all about yourself. For 10 minutes, 20 minutes, a half hour, 2 hours even. Don’t ask questions about the other person. Above all, do Not be curious.

3.5  If you do make the mistake of asking a question, be sure to interrupt the reply mid-sentence. Return to point 3.

3.75 Fill every spare second with talk, preferably about yourself. Don’t take a breath after you speak. Definitely don’t take 2 breaths. And be sure to start talking As Soon as the other person’s face hole has taken a tiny pause. Return to item 3.

4. Assume you know, Everything. There’s no way it’s possible someone has a valid point of view you haven’t considered. No way. You’ve travelled the world, you’ve seen it all, surely you must know it All. You’re Omniscient. You’re God.

5. Make everything you encounter “good” or “bad”. It’s not possible that there is no such thing as good and bad, only different perspectives. Above all, be sure to apply this to yourself. It’s not that all things can be both good/bad depending on the situation, it’s that You are bad, or good. There’s no both/and. And there’s no grey area.

6. When someone else is trying to tell you their feelings and needs to resolve an issue, attack them for being “overly sensitive” or for “giving you a hard time”. Resolving issues is Such a Bother.

7. Be fearful. Presume the new person you’re talking to must be crazy. Call them names as soon as you can and run screaming for the hills. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

8. Do not take in what people tell you. If they tell you they aren’t available, insist they contact you so that You can feel better. Disregard their boundaries. If they say they don’t want single line emails, don’t listen, don’t honor their requests. See item 6.

9. Focus on the past. That was terrible. Oh no saying that was terrible too. Forget that there is a person, right here, right now, standing in front of you. Don’t smile, don’t laugh. You have more important things to think about than what’s right here right now. That was terrible. When this fails, try item 10.

10. Focus on the future. Run that train of projection and fantasy wayyyyy off into the land of what we could do. Or build a scary scenario in your mind about the horrors. Either way, forget that there’s a person you could look at, right here, right now. Don’t look them in the eye. Don’t just Be with them right now. Hey, what are your plans for next month? Oh, and remember to get butt hurt when they ask for one step at a time. See point 6.  When this fails, return to item 9.

11. Never take responsibility for your actions. If it’s pointed out that you stepped on toes, or acted out one of the items in this list, quickly and without reservation Deny, Deny, Deny! Then spin it and ridicule them for speaking up. See item 6 for ideas.  How dare they!

Congratulations!  Now you’re well on your way to ruining conversations and relationships!

Have fun!


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