Archive for the 'Personal Dev' Category

SORTTing Out Shyness

 I just posted this response on Quora, here:

Why am I so nervous, shy and self conscious in public – and how do I overcome them?

As a life coach and counselor for more than 20 years, I can tell you that there are many forms of process work which can help you answer your question and help you overcome your shy, nervous self-consciousness.

For example, in my work with clients I facilitate a process I call SORTTing It Out. The process shows how feelings like shyness or nervousness are, like a grumbling stomach, just symptoms pointing to underlying core values that are hungry to be fed. Care well for the core values, and the emotions resolve themselves.

Here are examples of what I mean:

For some clients, shyness and nervousness rises when they unconsciously want to be liked, appreciated, valued, and cherished. When we empower the client to better care for those needs, the shy, nervousness self-consciousness is replaced with simple requests, confidence, ease and natural radiance.

For some clients, shyness and nervousness comes from a body that learned as a child that groups of people are “unsafe”. This is especially true with clients who experienced ridicule or judgment as children. Resolve the childhood traumas, and the body finds its own infinite safety, and nervousness and shyness disappear.

In other words, to resolve shyness, care for the core values triggering the shyness and nervousness, or find a coach or wellness practitioner who can help you to do so.

Here are a few questions and resources to help you get started:

1. Imagine that the shy nervous aspect of you is another person. Have a conversation with it. What is it nervous about? What is it afraid of? What does it most deeply want that it’s not sure it’ll get, that makes it shy? Make a list of the answers.

2. Whatever list of answers you get from number 1, notice the underlying core values that the voices are trying to feed. For example, if one line is, “I’m scared I’m not good enough,” ask yourself, “what underlying need or value would be fed if I trust that I am good enough?” Maybe you will discover that you’d want to be good enough so that you will be loved. Or maybe you will discover that you want to be good enough so that you will be included and wanted. At some level, we all need to be loved, included, and wanted. Notice that there is an innocent desire underneath every scared, nervous voice.

3. Give yourself empathy for the underlying core values, or find someone who can. Exhale the feeling of scared, or nervous, and inhale how much you just want to be loved and wanted (or whatever the core value happens to be). With loving appreciation, just notice the underlying desire. Like a loving friend, just sit with the yearning and breathe deeply.

4. Notice the ways your body shifts. Notice how just getting a little empathy helps you feel better. Maybe you even felt a little bit of relief from the empathy just in these words. When you start to feel better, that’s proof that your psychology is getting some of the empathic care that it needs.

5. Once you are fully connected to the underlying core values, ask yourself, “what request can I make of myself or others to feed this need right here, right now, in 10 minutes or less?” Take action to feed your need right now. For example, if you discover that you feel shy because you want to be appreciated, what request could you make of yourself or others right now to feel appreciated? Maybe you will make a list of three things you appreciate about yourself. Maybe you will ask three friends to tell you something they appreciate about you. If you don’t know what to ask for, ask other people what they ask for, “What requests do you make when you want to feel appreciated?”

6. As you get more and more powerful at both self-empathy and making requests to care for your underlying needs, you won’t keep getting so shy or nervous or self-conscious. Eventually, you may even discover that the very needs themselves, well cared for this way, begin to simply evaporate. Doing the practice well, over time, we discover and reconnect to the infinite beings that we must truly are. We connect to our Highest Selves.

7. For more help with this practice, you can sign up (free) for 27 Tips For Sanity, at http://TipsForSanity.com/subscribe , get invitations to discount practice groups, or call the number there to receive coaching support.

Good luck with your practice! You can do it!

Laughing with the Dark

One path to Divine Peace is the path of balance, moderation, The Middle Way.  This path is a dance with, not against opposites. Yin and yang, darkness and light, both / and; the practice resists nothing, because anything we seek to resist is a mirror of our own opportunities to increase our own self-awareness, freedom and Divine Self-expression.

Paradoxically, however, integrating the darkness can’t be done while we’re resisting it. To integrate the darkness is to face the paper tiger (and I assure you, the paper is thin), to plummet into the abyss so deeply that there’s nothing left but to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Dance the Sacred Theater of the horrible macabre that you fear, unresisted, for just 90 seconds, and watch how it melts and transforms.

If the individual can watch the shadow with pure observation, from the depths of darkness we rise like the Phoenix, enlightened of our significance, full of humility, surrender, compassion and an extraordinary sense of humor, able to move fluidly and matter-of-factly again into the ever-renewing Now.

Current Puppetry

For what it’s worth, and with great vulnerability, here’s a node of my current bodymind puppetry.  I’m posting this as a fishing expedition, because I’m feeling quite truly at my wits’ end.  What do you think?  Email me privately please.  Mayagayam at gmail.

Once upon a time, the strategy was to land myself within a “co-created community of gnostic / priesty peers” – and if I couldn’t find it I tried to create it around me. But travelling the world I didn’t find it; my current energy levels limit most travel. Then I learned that to make community is too slow and too much wrestling – far more work than I want to manage, and takes far more directing / driving than I enjoy.

What was that strategy attempting to feed, anyway? This question brings me to this –

I am still dealing with this existential crisis – what do I do with the body to:
– care for my needs for belonging
– care for my needs for purpose (which would give me clarity and direction)
– provide for my needs for care, comfort and security for the body
– care for my needs for touch, sexual expression, and companionship
– care for my needs for community where I feel seen and wanted, met and appreciated, loved and desired
– care for my need to exercise the feminine and the capacities and the mystic and the I Am of me, in tandem with the body
– care for my needs for engagement and joy in my gnostic-heartful-sexy-playful-intelligent-tipheret ways and beyond
– all within a context of fluidity, ease, restfulness, balance and in integrity with myself
?

The answer to this would answer other questions like, “what do I choose relative to the other puppets I meet along the way?”

?

And, I’m aware that this is all fundamentally nothing more than puppet talk. I remember the conversation asking me to come here.  Who sent me here to begin with and why?

— update, end of March —

Well in the absence of human response to this post, nonetheless the Guardians Guide.  I find the answer is in the question itself.  I read “Dragon’s Play” section 9, and I feel mySelf again.  Thank you all for reading.

Your Unique Face of Spirit

Distortions and Faces of Love

(pre-requisites – needs consciousness, griefwork and releasework, aptitude to discern resolution vs residue, aptitude to discern strategies and core values)

Love – Needs

Attending to underlying needs is a path to reveal the true Face of Spirit.

(Not “meeting” the needs – Attending to them. Paying attention. Being with them.)

God is in the asshole; the needs are the face of One’s Divinity.

The needs are the path to the Face of Spirit.
Not the needs that are rooted in unresolved residue – those are distortions. Attend to them long enough, without diversion, and the residue will release and resolve.

The needs are the path to the Face of Spirit.
Not the needs that are unconsciously a means for other needs. I learned to contribute and be accomplishing and effective; unbeknownst to me that was a means FOR my needs for belonging and security. The “sin” (off center, off Truth) of expressing the accomplishing and effectiveness nearly killed me. The authentic expression of the yearning for belonging and security is, in this case, universal and Holy.

Attending to needs is the decendant path to freedom.

Decendant path to freedom

Residing with the need – attending to the need
sitting on the curb with it
that is Love’s expression

With Love’s expression, the need evaporates
there’s a fractional ego-death
and we become a more accurate expression of the Face of Love
we become No One (without ego)

Attending to the needs is a fractional form of re-membering

(We are not human beings having a spiritual awakening.  We are spiritual beings having a human awakening.)

And with a daily practice of fractional remembering,
the ego purifies;
This is spiritual hygiene.

When all is said and done, you will walk on water too.

“Depressed” Writes In

I’m copying here a post I wrote in response to someone who was depressed.

I hope it helps others too.

Blessings,
Maya

Question:

Question: How does a person who has been treated for anxiety and depression for create a good life using the power of the mind (which is naturally negative an confused due to brain chemistry, genes and life experience)? How does one create more positive than negative experiences with this genetic make-up? (A cry for help) Am I doomed?

My response:

Not doomed!

#1 – Use, “Thoughts are things” to your advantage – Transform depressing beliefs and thoughts about pain, frustration or upset into an understanding of what you Yearn for that is at the root of your pain. This is very healing. For every negative, pessimistic thought there is either a need to grieve or a need to integrate a value from the subconscious to the conscious so that the Divine that you Are can stand up for what is needed.

I know a *lot* about the question you’re asking – I had a Coach Certification school and healed my own life with the work I taught – I live it still daily. Let me know when or if you want more. Grieve, baby, your sadness is a guide that points to the Hand of Divinity that you Are.

#2 – Watch your body – diet, sleep, movement. You can’t feel better if your biochemistry is out of whack. For one – healthy organic non-gmo food – We are surrounded by toxins, and many things the body needs to stabilize emotion – are not in our daily diet! Some great starters – I do 5K Vitamin D a day, daily Vitamin C (1000mg), eat Live whole food not premade manufactured stuff, lower your carb intake to 130 carbs a day (drop almost all refined carbs and sugars totally), and make sure your Seratonin levels are supported (sleep until your body wakes organically, make sure you have SOME healthy complex carbs – 20-30g – each meal), increase your iodine intake (our RDA is 150mg/day, Asian populations take in 13,000mg/day, I take 5 drops of Thyadine a day). Walk 5-15 minutes a day. Get sunshine at least 15min a day. If you have constipation – eat 6-8 fistfuls of above-ground veggies every day to help clean out your gut and stay regular every day. These go a LONG way to helping your body chemistry.

#3 – Make a commitment to your joy – and then make daily ways to feed your joy. Do you get enough sleep? Do you take time for yourself? Do you pamper your body? Make a list of 15 things that you Love to do and that you can do for joy, and do at least 1 every single day, no excuses. Here are some of mine: I love sewing, studying alternative energy stuff, listening to music, dancing, talking to friends over the phone, and doing dress-up (hair and makeup stuff tickles me). Start a list and add to it every chance you get.

#4 – Get off environmental toxins – SLS in our detergents and cleaning products and bathing products, BHT in our canned food, soy causing estrogen dominance, corn / wheat / milk allergies that shift mood, sugar’s negative impact on our immune system and body health, floride in our water and toothpaste, chlorine in our water and pools – all of these effect the body’s chemistry – including emotional states. Some calcify the pituitary gland. Do research, learn, and get yourself free from toxins as much as you possibly can!

#5 – Environmental toxins – fear-mongering TV, news, people wallowing in victim-mentality instead of taking the bull by the horns and standing relentlessly for cooperation toward solution — inadvertently we can immerse our minds and hearts in super-depressing environmental influences. Choose in favor of your Sanity and Change Your Influences to ones that are optimistic, actively being the world they want to see, and supportive.

I could do this for days. Let me know when you are ready for more. I teach about 7 aspects of your BodyMind system, and 3 areas where you can help your Mental Hygiene – so that you can get a fighting chance!

You’re not alone!!

Keep reaching out, we’re out here!

Blessings,
Maya

Today’s Practice – Finding God in “Failures”

If God is in everything – then God is in things I dislike, too. Huh. How about that.

Then Guidance said, “To believe in people again – do you believe in You?”

It’s true, I’m sad about my…my behaviors…my life’s imperfections…my failures….

Then Guidance said, “If that too is God – is a perfect part of Great Order – can you find God in the imperfections? Can you find peace with the God alive in your own mistakes and imperfections?”

“Forgive your own failures – see God in all things you call failures – and you’ll find peace with other people again.”

Today’s Practice: Loving – Surrendering my Contain-er

Surrendering my Contain-er…as if my love were within me, contained, to be dolled out only in the right circumstances and to the right people…surrendering she who controls and meters out the when and the how much…surrendering my Contain-er.

My new Practice – similar to ‘random acts of kindness’ – a kind of deliberate, willful mischief of infusing random moments and random passers-by with heart, love, inspiration, invitations to play in the moment…asking people their stories until their light shines…hugging random strangers who look lonely…inviting a solitary person to join us at our table or movie seat…surprising people with a depth of loving kindness beyond what they imagined socially available…making good trouble…deliberate, willful mischievous acts of loving.

…sending out ripples of this energy into the pool of Great Order…

There’s no where to go, nowhere to be, nothing to get done. Why not give this kind of love? I give up my Contain-er. If once upon a time my Observer watched and felt sad at what I saw, this is my Observer standing as Creator, sending ripples of mischievous Love into the field.

What else is there better to do with a lifetime?


Thank you Love!

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