Posts Tagged 'Integrated Coaches'

10 Areas for Holistic Life Improvement

Today I answered a question from someone about Homeopathy and Holistic Living.

Then it occurred to me that this may help someone else too.

So I share my reply with you.  I hope you find it helpful!

With loving blessings,


Well darling Finally here I am – ready to start to answer your question about Homeopathy.

Did you know that I’m trained 23+ years in Homeopathy, Holistic Healing and life improvement methods?

Part of what kept me from replying sooner, is that there’ are so many ways to get healing and relief that I didn’t know where to start for you!

So here’s a start. Tell me what you think and I’ll give you more as we talk over multiple emails. Ok?

Ok the first step is for you to understand more fully who you are. You, your life and your body are like a car – there are lots of systems. If you put gas in your car but ignore the tires, eventually they will fail.

You, your life and your body are the same way. You can “take something” homeopathic (a homeopathic remedy, for example). But if you ignore the other systems your life, situations won’t change. In fact they may even get worse.

So here are 10 areas for you to think about.

Each one is important. The best idea is to melt the ice cube from all sides, but you need to start somewhere.

Look over these 7 areas and then tell me what you think about my questions below.

1. Mind – if you want your life to change, your thoughts have to change. If you want things to get better, your mental habits have to get better. A great example of this is negative self-talk. “I’m worthless, things will never work out.” Many kinds of mental habits are unconsciously self-sabataging. There are many ways I can support you to improve your mental habits.

2. Body – We are chemical and electrical. If you want your mood to improve, correct nutrition and body care make a huge difference. Here’s an example. Did you know that some depression can be traced back to a Vitamin D deficiency? We get that from sunlight, but if we don’t get enough, we feel lethargic and sad. There are many nutrients that, if you’re deficient, will impact your energy, mood and attitude. Did you know that too much estrogen can make you moody and short tempered? There are many things I could tell you about homeopathic remedies for the physical body and how supplements can change your life.

3. Spirit – You are not just a personality. You are a divine spark of God’s light in a physical body. The more we human beings wake up to our transpersonal experience, the less we suffer. There is much I can share with you about exploring the experience of your spirituality and your transpersonal Self so that you suffer less.

4. Heart – Whatever pain is not resolved, recycles. “He did this to me, she did that to me.” All of those stories are pain that never got released, resolved and healed. I have spent much of my life doing release work and helping other people do releasework. Emotional stories that play over and over can be permanently resolved in 90 minutes or less.  Emotional triggers can be resolved in as little as 3 breaths.  On the other hand, it’s pretty hard to focus on our joy when we are carrying the weight of a lifetime of pain and frustration on our shoulders. The more you resolve and release, the freer you will be to find peace.

5. Gut – How good are you at replacing blame with non-violent expressions of your core values and needs? How good are you at making clear, doable requests to feed those needs? How good are you at feeding your own needs when others cannot? While name-calling, finger-pointing and blaming others can feel satisfying, it does not solve a thing. If you want to find more peace and joy in your life, it’s vital that you get better at naming your feelings, needs and requests to meet your needs.

6. Action – Nothing changes until you take personal responsibility for change and take action. How good are you at making measurable goals to have the kind of life you want? How good are you at finding multiple strategies to meet your needs and goals? How good are you at doing things to care for yourself instead of blaming others for your misery? There are many ways I help people learn how to coach themselves toward a better life.

7. Interaction and Your Environment – Here’s where other people and the greater world around you come into play. You told me you want to make choices in your environment to help you find peace. That’s great. When our relationships are dramatic, traumatic and full of upheaval, we feel unsettled, anxious and upset. Addressing relationship issues, resolving them or choosing out of them can often make or break your joy. Sometimes it’s best to fight for resolution. Sometimes it’s best to get out of pain’s way. But if you don’t resolve your environment issues, you will continue to find upheaval every day you spend with those situations.

8. Lower Self – What unconscious factors contribute to your unhappy experience?  What shadow work is begging to be done, revealing itself in the face of your frustrations and discontents?  What we resist, persists; by integrating shadow aspects we not only find increased peace with ourselves, we find increased peace, clarity, and right action with the world around us.  Each bit of shadow, ignored, saps a part of our energy.  By revealing and integrating the gift of the shadow, we reclaim psychological and physical resources we often never even imagine possible.

9. Middle Self – What narratives do you hold relative to reality?  Where are your circles of concern, and how do you relate to them?  To what degree do you experience the multi-dimensional being that you are?  While most of us are utterly preoccupied with work and survival, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to escape the hamster wheel of overwork, beta-brain monkey mind chatter, fear-focus and jitters that modern society tends to encourage.  Deepening your active attention to your multi-dimensional self can yield a gentler, simpler and more rewarding life experience.

10. Higher Self – Who are you, most deeply?  Who are you beyond this lifetime?  Even if you don’t believe in life-after-death or souls or reincarnation, nonetheless there is a part of your lifetime that effects the lives that will remain after you die.  Trash you throw away will sit in landfills for generations.  What aspects of your day-to-day practice reflect your experience of your Highest Self and the long-body of Human Being?  What day-to-day practices do you cultivate to connect to and hear your Highest Self and that Inner Guidance each of us has available to us?  What practices do you share in communion with others to cultivate and express the voice of Highest Self?  Exploring this area not only enriches our lives, it can help us find light in very dark moments.

You may or may not find the peace and relief you want by doing just one or two things in one or two areas. You may need to pay attention and attend to things in many areas of the system that you are.  You may even need a system overhaul, and that takes commitment. It’s not easy. And sometimes it can be horribly uncomfortable and downright painful, like trying to do a yoga stretch you’ve never done before. But I can tell you from personal experience, it’s worth it. At the other side you get to enjoy more peace, joy and more fulfillment than you ever imagined possible.

So now the question is:

What would you most like from me next?

I can work with you to cultivate and explore these 10 areas to help you find the life-changing results that you want.  Or you can choose to go somewhere else entirely.  You have all the choice in the world.

What would you most like next, love?



The Queen of Shadow Work

Today a friend called me “The Queen of Shadow Work”.

I didn’t know what to make of that at first, and then I realized, “I could own that. I am that!”

I can see where it’s true that I dedicate my life and energies to shadow work and skills for developing the self-line:

– I have a bullshit meter a mile long that sees when people are operating out of bullshit
– I have a set of skills I practice daily toward cleaning up my own shadow and developing my own self-line – this is my life practice
– given my childhood I needed a ton of healing, shadow work, skill development and practice – so I’ve got a ton of experience doing it
– I’ve been offering my best proven practices to others in my coaching and in my Coach Certification program for over 19 years.

Would you find more freedom or power by doing shadow work?

Self-Line Self-Test

Here are 8 ways to know if you have shadow work to do:

– Is there something you want to experience but think you can’t, or think you can’t talk about?
– Do you have unresolved conflicts in your life, or relationships in your life where you choose to bite your tongue rather than speak your truth?
– Do you have some unresolved childhood or adult trauma?
– Are you keeping some big, dark secret?
– Do you ever argue with yourself or with others?
– Do you have a pain or frustration that recurs in your life?
– Are there any areas of yourself, others, culture or humanity that you avoid or stay away from?
– Do you ever have moments of emotional trigger, judgment, irritation, resistance, defensiveness, or contraction?

We ALL have more shadow work we could do, or we’d all be enlightened beings already walking on water.

If any of the list fits you, and if you want more freedom, more peace of mind, and more power in the we-space of your world, shadow work and skill development can help you.

Let’s face it, no one teaches this in school, and yoga, mindfulness and meditation practices simply are NOT enough.

Mindfulness and Meditation Aren’t Enough

Have you ever met anyone who could go do yoga, meditate at 7am every morning for an hour, and still not work out relationship issues? Have you ever met someone very skilled at mindfulness who still gets irritated and frustrated and caught up in the same issues over and over again?

For those of us who think our mindfulness and meditation will save us, that’s not enough. At best, these ascendant practices are only 1/2 the work.

At worst, they are just Spiritual Bypasses.

Sitting on a cushion isn’t enough. Sweep life under the carpet, and life will keep coming back until we address it. While we don’t practice effective we-space skills and clean up our we-space residues, we continue to carry them.

Mindfully stepping outside our issues and observing them, alone, will not free us. Observation and objectification of life is a great pattern interrupter, but like it or not, we are spirit IN A BODYMIND, so we also need to also integrate practical, daily habits that cultivate the kinds of experience we want.

The spiritual bypass of thinking “thoughts are things”, alone, will not free us. Our ability to manifest experience what we DO want is only as powerful as our practical habits to generate what we want and be free from habits that cultivate what we DON’T want.

The spiritual bypass of sitting as gurus on mountains or well-cultivated practitioners in our isolated communities is not enough and will not free our planet – we are all interconnected. World circumstances increasingly require us to wake up and pay attention to each other. Wars in other countries become our wars. Illnesses in other countries become our illnesses. Economic issues on Wall Street change what happens on Main Street, affect jobs across the nation, and impact economies around the globe.

What Next?

If we’re not doing spiritual bypass, what do we do?

In my work I offer proven practices for shadow work, for developing the self line, and for freeing ourselves from the conscious and unconscious fears that run our lives and impact our relationships.

For more information, call me at 914.882.9667 or send a blank email to mayagayam@gmail dot com with the subject line, “SUBSCRIBE” to get news about events and freebies I offer.

Dispelling The Myth of You

Who ARE you, really?

What 7 aspects can help you live more powerfully? How can you get more effective results with less effort and more fun? What new perspectives can catapult humanity to greater thriving?

This 7min vid shows how can you live more powerfully and get more effective results.

What new perspectives can catapult humanity to greater thriving?

How can we take practical, conventional wisdom to a new level?


Dear Maya….

Thought you’d enjoy this mini-conversation I shared with a friend about polyamory.


Dear Maya,

How do you do it? How do you manage a poly relationship? I am watching friends fall apart because they tried it and its just hard…even for me because I am friends on both ends.


Dear Heartbroken,

How is this different than a mono-relationship; isn’t it the same pain?

It’s true that polyamory has its own challenges and learning opportunities. But in my opinion, leading a healthy, successful poly relationship takes many of the same basic skill sets that you need in order to lead a healthy, successful monogamous relationship. In my 20 years of coaching, I have seen many people who just flat don’t have the basic skills to live a successful, thriving relationship.

Here’s one example. When the sh** hits the fan, I often see people make one of 3 basic communication mistakes:
1. confuse stories for observations (ex: she’s mad at me vs/ she hasn’t made eye contact with me today) – we can avoid misunderstandings if we – as Krishnamurthi suggests – seek the intelligence of observing without judging.
2. confuse feelings and needs for thoughts and judgements (ex: i feel like he should spend more time with me if he loved me) – when we separate our feelings (sad, disappointed, unhappy) and needs (because I want companionship) from our thoughts, we have a better chance of asking for what we want in a way others can hear (ex: i’ve been sad wanting more companionship, would you spend 2 hours with me tonight?)
3. not make clear doable requests to meet their needs

These simple, common habits can make or break a conversation.

Now take folks without basic relationship and healing skills, throw them into a poly scenario where emotions are even MORE likely to be stimulated, and where transparent, generative, needs-based conversation is even more vital, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster alright! This is why they pay me the big-bucks to do relationship coaching. *wink*

With a few fundamental skills and practices, I believe many more polyamorous and monogamous relationships would thrive.

If you’d like more information about polyamory, or if you’d like a free consultation toward an ongoing coaching relationship, call Gail toll-free 1.877.535.5438.

3 Steps to Finding Fulfillment

Wallowing: the act of focusing on what we don’t like, don’t want, don’t have, and/or what isn’t working, at the expense of taking the next step. What is the next step? Articulating what Is It We Do Want, Would Like, Wish To Have?

  • Last week I had a call with a client who said, “I just realized I’ve spent so much time focusing on what I don’t like about my life that I’ve put no energy into trying to understand what I want.”
  • A woman in Nevada so consistently focuses on what she does NOT know that she never takes the step to ask others if they know, so that she can know.
  • A man in Colorado finds his life so terribly unfulfilling that he’s crushed under the weight of his loneliness and misery, but he doesn’t cultivate the skill of asking for what *would* bring him fulfillment.

When I watch these clients and so many of you living the same habits, these moments break my heart, because I so so want for your opening, your thriving, your joy, and your exquisite-cup-overflowing-fulfillment.

Would you consider taking on these 3 steps toward finding relief for yourself?

3 Steps To Finding Fulfillment:

1. Track your list of what isn’t working, what you don’t like, what you don’t want, etc. This first step is vital, as a first step. But when we stop there, we merely cultivate our own misery, disempower ourselves, and piss in the ears of people around us, perpetuating more misery. Writing them down gives us a place to move from.

2. Next, for each line in your list of #1, ask yourself – what is the YEARNING behind that voice. If the line for #1 says, “My life sucks.” (what I don’t want) – write in column 2, “I want more XYZ”. If your line for #1 says, “My boss is a jerk.” (what I don’t like) – write in column 2, “I’d like to be treated with more respect.” What does that voice in #1 yearn for? What do you need that the voice in #1 is dearly (and tragically, in its style) trying to ask for? What does the voice in #1 want more of?

3. Make a doable request to *get* the thing you wrote about in #2. Write down a request you can make of yourself, or that you can make of someone else. If in column 2 you wrote, “I want to be treated with more respect,” ask yourself to stop your boss the next time you want it and say, “Listen, would you be willing to speak to me at a lower volume?” Write it down.

What? You can’t think of a request for #3? Try this: I request myself to ask 3 people what they would do if they were in my shoes and wanted what I want in column #2.

Now what? Do you have to actually MAKE this request? Oh, you may do it, you may not. However, learning to translate your wallowing into an actionable request about what you DO want will take you miles further toward finding fulfillment. While you wallow, you are 100% guaranteed to NOT get what you want. While you translate wallowing into what you want, and try to get better and better at making requests to fulfill what you want, you have at least a 50-50 shot! Maybe you’ll get it, maybe you won’t. But at least you’ll have a chance.

If you’d like more information about “Powerful Requests”, or if you’d like support to make the 3 steps work for you, or if you’d like help to come up with doable requests that will actually help you meet your needs, call for a coaching session: toll-free 1.877.535.5438.

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Knowledge and Adventure

Henry David Thoreau said most people “live lives of quiet desperation.” Are you one of them, or are you a seeker of adventure, knowledge, growth and fulfillment?

What if a 24-hour program could give you everything you need to find an infinite source of knowledge and adventure?

It’s not enough to rage against the lie.. you’ve got to replace it with the truth. – Bono

Isn’t it about time you got to replace desperation with adventure, knowledge, growth, and fulfillment?

Here’s a 4-question interview that could increase thriving – for you, your family, your work/group/community, and beyond!



1. If you could see more fulfillment in 1 area of life, which would you choose to start with?

  • more for myself
  • more for my existing love relationship
  • more for my family
  • more for my office/organization/work environment
  • more for my group/community
  • more for my culture/subculture
  • more for the planet/humanity at large
  • more fulfillment for Isness / Emergence

2. In the area you chose to start with in question 1, imagine 1 thing that could contribute to your sense of fulfillment in that area. What comes to mind?

3. Quantify it – How could you describe your answer to question 2 in measurable terms? How much, by when; how would you be able to know when question 2 were satisfied?

4. Request it – What request could you make (of ourself or of someone(s) around you) that would contribute to your answer to question 3 happening?

5. Skillful Means – On a scale of 0-10, how effective are your requests at getting what you outlined in question 3? 0 = not at all; 10 = I have gotten my request so abundantly met that I’m utterly and completely fulfilled in the area I chose in question 1.


If your answer to question 5 was 6 or below, you could be more effective in delivering Powerful Requests. You may want to consider enrolling in a coaching program or in a Teleclass directed at helping you strengthen that muscle.

If you had difficulty answering any of questions 2-4, consider calling to schedule a free coaching consultation as a gift to yourself. You cannot fulfill what you cannot name, quanitify and ask for. Give yourself the gift of clarity as a first step.

If you found questions 1-4 easy, and you *still* don’t experience the level of fulfillment you want in your question 1 domain, this is good news – the next step is obvious. Here’s why:

Like a dealt hand of cards, we each hold a specific set of skills, perceptions, tendencies, and inclinations on how to respond to our world. And, like a hand of cards, this set of cards is limited and often insufficient. Imagine you hold a whole deck of cards in your hands – you could win basically any card game you want to play!

If you already had the cards you needed to win the game of fulfillment in the domain you chose in question 1 – you’d already be winning. If you’re not winning, it’s because you don’t have the cards you need – it’s time to get them from someone else. This is why more and more people are turning to Coaches: life coaches, career coaches, financial coaches, organizational development coaches, spiritual coaches, communication coaches…or Integrated Coaches.

Integrated Coaches are coaches trained in The Integrated Approach (TIA). TIA Coaches a trained to help you uncover and recognize the areas where skills, perceptions, tendencies and inclinations are insufficient to expand fulfillment. TIA Coaches can then ask questions or provide recommendations for how to build those skills, widen those perceptions, balance those tendencies, and integrate new inclinations with the prior ones.

Ready to take the first step toward leaving the “quiet desperation” behind?

A single free hour could enhance your adventure, knowledge, growth and fulfillment.

Call and set a free appointment today! 1.877.535.5438

Here’s to your thriving!

Thank you Love!

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