Posts Tagged 'TIA – gut / needs'

“Depressed” Writes In

I’m copying here a post I wrote in response to someone who was depressed.

I hope it helps others too.

Blessings,
Maya

Question:

Question: How does a person who has been treated for anxiety and depression for create a good life using the power of the mind (which is naturally negative an confused due to brain chemistry, genes and life experience)? How does one create more positive than negative experiences with this genetic make-up? (A cry for help) Am I doomed?

My response:

Not doomed!

#1 – Use, “Thoughts are things” to your advantage – Transform depressing beliefs and thoughts about pain, frustration or upset into an understanding of what you Yearn for that is at the root of your pain. This is very healing. For every negative, pessimistic thought there is either a need to grieve or a need to integrate a value from the subconscious to the conscious so that the Divine that you Are can stand up for what is needed.

I know a *lot* about the question you’re asking – I had a Coach Certification school and healed my own life with the work I taught – I live it still daily. Let me know when or if you want more. Grieve, baby, your sadness is a guide that points to the Hand of Divinity that you Are.

#2 – Watch your body – diet, sleep, movement. You can’t feel better if your biochemistry is out of whack. For one – healthy organic non-gmo food – We are surrounded by toxins, and many things the body needs to stabilize emotion – are not in our daily diet! Some great starters – I do 5K Vitamin D a day, daily Vitamin C (1000mg), eat Live whole food not premade manufactured stuff, lower your carb intake to 130 carbs a day (drop almost all refined carbs and sugars totally), and make sure your Seratonin levels are supported (sleep until your body wakes organically, make sure you have SOME healthy complex carbs – 20-30g – each meal), increase your iodine intake (our RDA is 150mg/day, Asian populations take in 13,000mg/day, I take 5 drops of Thyadine a day). Walk 5-15 minutes a day. Get sunshine at least 15min a day. If you have constipation – eat 6-8 fistfuls of above-ground veggies every day to help clean out your gut and stay regular every day. These go a LONG way to helping your body chemistry.

#3 – Make a commitment to your joy – and then make daily ways to feed your joy. Do you get enough sleep? Do you take time for yourself? Do you pamper your body? Make a list of 15 things that you Love to do and that you can do for joy, and do at least 1 every single day, no excuses. Here are some of mine: I love sewing, studying alternative energy stuff, listening to music, dancing, talking to friends over the phone, and doing dress-up (hair and makeup stuff tickles me). Start a list and add to it every chance you get.

#4 – Get off environmental toxins – SLS in our detergents and cleaning products and bathing products, BHT in our canned food, soy causing estrogen dominance, corn / wheat / milk allergies that shift mood, sugar’s negative impact on our immune system and body health, floride in our water and toothpaste, chlorine in our water and pools – all of these effect the body’s chemistry – including emotional states. Some calcify the pituitary gland. Do research, learn, and get yourself free from toxins as much as you possibly can!

#5 – Environmental toxins – fear-mongering TV, news, people wallowing in victim-mentality instead of taking the bull by the horns and standing relentlessly for cooperation toward solution — inadvertently we can immerse our minds and hearts in super-depressing environmental influences. Choose in favor of your Sanity and Change Your Influences to ones that are optimistic, actively being the world they want to see, and supportive.

I could do this for days. Let me know when you are ready for more. I teach about 7 aspects of your BodyMind system, and 3 areas where you can help your Mental Hygiene – so that you can get a fighting chance!

You’re not alone!!

Keep reaching out, we’re out here!

Blessings,
Maya

When’s Your Turn?

More and more each day,
our daily lives are full of the tragedies
of behaviors based in fear, pain,
and the inability to feed multiple sets of underlying needs.

Even here, in this Eden of Abundance called the U.S.A.:

  • Bi-partisan political infighting – fear, pain, inability to feed mutual needs.
  • 13 wounded, 6 dead – from the insanity that arises out of fear, pain, and the inability to feed multiple sets of needs.
  • Instability of our economic system and health care system – all rooted in fear, pain, and inability to feed multiple sets of needs.
  • Our living alone together behind our computers and smart phones – fear, pain, and inability to feed multiple sets of needs.

Even our basic desires for sex and money,
capacity and community,
the desire to be loved, and to be trusted,
are rooted in our fears, our pain,
and our inability to feed multiple sets of needs.

In our world of “it’s not my problem”,
the issue is getting bigger and bigger
until it IS your problem.

Suddenly YOU have health issues YOU can’t afford to pay for.
Or suddenly a plane flies into YOUR city and kills thousands.
Or an earthquake kills millions in your country and you don’t get aide.
Or someone in YOUR family is shot by a kid they call crazy.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

In our world of the glass “half full or half empty”,
it’s time to acknowledge – It’s Both.
When we learn that, we can stop fighting over this or that,
right or wrong, good or bad, and acknowledge the glass and then fill it.

It’s time we to recognize this core,
and learn how to attend to it,
in ourselves, in our relationships,
in our families,
and in our larger political, environmental,
social and physical world.

I have a vision of what it could be like to live in a world where all our needs matter and get attended to, where we all get to live from our core gifts and our unique Self-expressions, and where our Divinity lives in practical ways.

I have managed to live this world by myself, and to make a tiny world of this in my immediate intimate environment.

But for ALL of us to live this world, to make this world for all of us, I need your help.

Please join me in living in and co-creating a New Reality.

For practical steps you can take, today, toward this New Reality, click here to subscribe to my articles (and get a free gift) or click here to join me Tuesday Nights mid-Feb through April for the “New Reality / Whole Health” teleconference series.

In mourning,
but also in loving blessings,
Maya-G

On Control, Core Values and Hidden Motives

I’m very grateful to Teri Murphy for conversation we’re having right now about the role of core values in how we see ourselves, each other, and the world – and in how we express ourselves.

She’s given me permission to post a question she asked me, and my response, in hopes that it might serve others.

You’ll find it, below.

Thank you again, Teri, I’m so deeply cherishing this dance with you.

In deep gratitude,
Gail

————

On Nov 21, 5:45 pm, “Teri Murphy” wrote:

> As I’ve been watching this communication process unfold, I am intrigued
> but perplexed about the role of stating one’s core value as a part of
> it.
>
> So often we all use one value as a cover for another that is repressed
> or more self serving. So for example, I did not include in my list of
> reasons for liking the current arrangement that I value control or
> cachet. I believe I have considered the extent to which these may be
> influencing my perception of the situation. But how can you succeed by
> offering a strategy which addresses the face values which may be only a
> minor part of actual motivation?
>
> Curiously,
> Teri

Reading your question, Teri, what surfaces in me are 2 distinctions:

1. Strategies versus *core* values (and a question that helps reveal
core truths)
2. The multiplicity of living, breathing needs (core values)

First, strategy versus core values.

When I hear someone say, “I want control,” I know they’re talking
about a strategy, not a core value.  How?  First, I realize that when
we want control, it’s TOWARD something else.  What do we want control
toward?  Creating our joy?  Protection?  Space to self-express?  We
want control as a means FOR something else = it’s a strategy.

To help me understand the core value behind a strategy, I might ask,
“If you/I/he/she got that, what might it give you/me/him/her?”

Money is another example.  I “value” money.  But it’s not a universal
CORE value.  What do I want money for?  If I got money, what would
that give me?  For one, I like the freedom and choice money gives me.
I also like how money lets me express and enjoy my joys.  So freedom,
choice and expressing my joy – these are my CORE values.

Mind you, it’s true that most of us are not taught to be consciously
aware of our or others’ core values…more on that in a moment…

And, it’s also true that sometimes one core value is a strategy for
another core value – here’s an example:

Let’s say I decide I want control so that I can have and live my
freedom.  What will that freedom give me?  Hmm.  When I look, I
realize that this freedom gives me a sense of power to be at choice.
If I got that choice, what would *that* bring me?  Hrm.  I see that
having choice, I’d get to live my bliss.  Aha, so my core value is
living my bliss.  Now when I ask myself again, “If I got to live my
deepest bliss, what would that bring me?”  I
get …stillness…silence…and utter equanimity, calm and peace.
This is how I know I’ve reached my core value.

In my opinion, one skill in Self-Line development is “personal
responsibility”, including being able to answer the question, “What is
my *core* value?  What are my soul/heart’s deepest motives here?”

In any case, as our culture gets increasingly more awake, conscious,
and en-lightened, the nature of the light of a core values
conversation is that it reveals shadow and it reveals truth.  Next
comes personal responsibility and our ability to respond to each
other.  But that’s another convo.

Next, let’s talk about the complexity of being alive.

1. CV’s rooted in shadow – Some core values can be stimulated by
unhealed residual pain, the voice of our divine Spark asking for
resolution so that our fullest Light can shine more brightly. For
example: if a woman were raped, she may have a high, high, highly
screaming need for space and self-protection.  These are core values,
but in this case the core values are “up” because of shadow – because
of unhealed pain / residual trauma – the system is begging for release
and healing. I can often tell when a core value is rooted in shadow
when it has a tone of demand, urgency, or emotional charge.

2.  Some core values are free of personality shadow, and are simply
pure expressions of Grace emerging through the body mind. I can often
tell when a core value is rooted in Grace when it is clear, simple,
and free of emotional charge – it has a power and a stillness that is
palpable.

So awareness and conversation rooted in core values both helps reveal
our Divine nature and also helps reveal opportunities for healing.
In either case, it’s Divine.

3.  We all have multiple sets of needs going on all at once (core
values).  Some may be louder right now than others.  But you can see
that you have a “multiplistic inner community” if you’ve ever had an
inner conflict.  “Go to work and meet my needs for security, or stay
home and meet my needs for rest?”  This is two sets of core values.

Most of us are taught, and embody, power-OVER.  “Forget work, I’m
staying home today.” (Powering the need for rest over the need for
security.)  Bosses tell employees, “Do it or I’ll find someone who
will.”  Parents do it.  “Get dressed NOW because I told you to.”
Corporations do it, “Our profit and bottom line – the cost to the
environment or employees is not our problem.”  Few of us are ever
taught the kind of love that says, “All needs MATTER and get attended
to.  Period.”

Most of us are not ever taught the A+B of both/and…the A+B of being
able to hold both sets of needs equal and relentlessly attend to
BOTH.  One way I like embody this A+B (power WITH) is in this
question:  How can we A in a way that also B?  How can we B in a way
that also A?   How can I give myself security while also caring for my
needs for rest?  How can I rest today in a way that also cares for my
sense of security?

If we were never taught power-with, how do we EVER learn to
consciously get *awake* to our core values (needs)?  If we can’t do
power-WITH within ourselves, how can we EVER do it with others,
authentically and with our true hearts?

How do we ever learn to relentlessly attend to ALL needs, including
those in the multiplistic inner community of other?

Do some people around me have core values I know they’re not conscious
of?  Sure.  So I do my best to reflect them and help surface them
consciously.

Do some people state one “value” while really holding another set of
values unspoken?  Sure.  But when actions and words don’t match, this
becomes self-evident.  It’s also far less likely that people will
“manipulate” situations (say one thing while meaning something else)
when they experience the fact that they don’t HAVE to manipulate
anything to get their needs included and cared for; as long as they
are IN the conversation they WILL get their needs attended to.

Do some people speak to one core value or need while a whole pile of
them are part of their humanity?  Sure!  But so long as the core
values are all being attended to, they won’t scream for attention.  If
a core value starts screaming for attention in the form of emotional
upset, and if we uncover the need giving rise to the emotion and care
for that core need, life solves itself.

I hope this adds something to the “core values” salad that will help
clarify.

5 Ways To Replace Conflict with Cooperation

Do you think you know what it takes to reduce conflict, or to replace conflict with cooperation?

While you may think you know what you know, if you recently felt frustrated about someone’s behavior, left a community group or ended a romantic relationship, argued with a family member or colleague, or thought someone was “being a pain in the a**”, then your experience shows that you may NOT have mastery here.

You may not know what you DON’T know, or have not yet embodied, in effective, competent, powerful habits of conflict resolution. Even the partisan split in our country is a testament that, in our country, we are not embodying these skills.

Transforming conflict to cooperation takes more than I-statements and a willingness to boldly confront each other. It only takes one round of, “I think you’re being a jerk,” or “I think you’re just trying to control everything,” to turn I-statements and “respectful confrontation” into a resentful divide.

How do we address issues in ways that result in sincere cooperation instead of conflict?

Most of us are trained that, when we are frustrated, scared or experiencing pain, we should look to see what is causing our dis-ease and do whatever it takes to stop the offending party from perpetrating the offense again. We’re trained to diagnose the perpetrator. Why is he or she the villain they are?

Finding the source of a problem is useful to help fix it.

However, when we finger-point, blame, label and diagnose why people do what they do, the result is conflict and divisiveness. People get defensive, or return the finger-pointing. Frustration, resentment and distrust escalate.

Or worse, instead of being WITH each other and coming to win-win outcomes, we often choose “the law of two feet” and just go somewhere else.

How can we have both WIT-ness and WITH-ness? How can we both objectively see issues with equanimity and also find win-win resolutions that support us staying WITH each other?

Here are 5 ways you can replace frustration, drama, conflict, opposition and divisiveness to easy, drama-free, win-win solutions:

1. Discuss facts, not conclusions. Conclusions, diagnoses, assessments and labels provoke debate. “He’s just controlling,” “No he’s not.” To help get the experience you want, focus only on the facts, “He didn’t do what he said he’d do.” Here is another example: “You’re being uncooperative,” “No I’m not!” Instead, name just the facts, “I noticed you arrived at 8:10am instead of 8am.” Here’s another example: “She’s being vindictive,” Maybe, maybe not. Try instead, “She voted ‘no’ after saying she would vote ‘yes’.” What actually happened? What did you physically see or hear? Stay with that, and then go on to numbers 2 and 3.

2. Focus on what you most deeply value; don’t talk about the other person or what they should be or do. Instead of, “Stop arguing with me,” try, “I want more cooperation between us than this.” Instead of, “He’s testing me,” try, “What I really want is more support around the house.” Instead of, “You should stop complaining and get a job,” try, “I want confidence you will get what you need.” What is the benevolent core value underneath your thinking? What does your heart most yearn for, for yourself? Name it.

3. Make an action-request, right now, that would feed what you most deeply want, right now. Instead of, “Stop arguing with me,” ask for something that CAN be done right now. “I really want confidence I’m heard, could you please take two breaths after I speak?” or “I want to trust my point is received, could you tell me what you value about what I said before you respond to it?” Instead of, “He’s trying to test me,” try, “I really ache for more support around the house, could you help me fold clothes for 10 minutes right now?” Instead of, “You complain all the time,” try, “Could you tell me what you would prefer instead?”

4. Understand and reflect core values before responding or trying to fix anything. If cooperation isn’t happening, odds are the other person is not getting the felt-sense that you’re on the same page with them. Can you name 3 of the other person’s innocent, benevolent core values? Can you actually feel the benevolence and innocence behind their behavior? If not, go back and reflect the other person’s heart until you really feel it. “If you got your way, is it that you hope it would protect your family?” “Is it that you’re worried and want your own space?” “Are you upset because you want care for your concerns?” What beautiful core value is most deeply motivating them right now?

5. Reach to get your core values reflected and felt before trying to fix anything. Can the other person accurately name 3 of the core values behind what you said? Do you have the felt-sense that they experience the benevolent innocence of your values right now? If not, go back and ask them to reflect your heart until you feel them open to your concerns. “Before we try to solve this, I want hope that we’re on the same page. Could you please tell me what I want that you think is worthwhile?” Or, “I want confidence that you’re holding my concerns equally. Could you tell me 3 things you hear I care most about?” Remember to stick with core values, not the strategies to fulfill those values!

When we’re in debate, conflict, argument or opposition to each other, we inadvertently reach to protect ourselves and fortify our position. In our emotional charge, we drift into our thoughts, beliefs, and assessments of other, trying to find the right path to fix the problem. The problem is, these habits aren’t very effective.

Instead, when we simplify conversation to just the facts, core values, do-able requests, and a mutual felt-sense of the true value in each other’s benevolent concerns we increase the likelihood of connection, compassionate cooperation and win-win resolutions. When we walk together toward a mutual point of joy, I call this, “Procession”. Walking together is as much about heart and heart-connection as it is about intelligent insight and awareness.

Who are you in conflict with, quietly or not-so-quietly? What core value would you like to experience more of? What can be done in 10 minutes that would feed that core value?

Where can your embodiment of these skills bring greater cooperation and less conflict?

For more information, or for help to resolve a situation you’re facing, call to schedule a Free 1-Hour Consultation – 1.877.535.5438 Mon-Thurs 12pm-4pm.

Among the other areas of professional, spiritual and personal development, (Maya-G) Gail Taylor coaches individuals, couples, families, parents, leaders and professionals on generative thinking and win-win communication skills. Get measurable results! For more information, or for help to resolve a situation you’re facing, call to schedule a Free 1-Hour Consultation – 1.877.535.5438 Mon-Thurs 12pm-4pm.

The Importance of Core Values

The importance of honoring core values  –
Extends to all levels –
Individuals who do not practice caring for all core values
within themselves,
Engage in power-over choices –

They choose in favor of one set of needs
While disregarding and not giving care to the other(s).

Individuals who do this to themselves,
Become partners who do it to each other,
Who become parents who do it to their children,
Who become members of organizations who do it to their colleagues and employees,
Who become leaders of corporations who do it to employees, society, and the environment,
Who become global leaders who do it to their countries,
Who are made up of individuals
who can’t see that they’re quietly sitting by
in a cancerous system,
not producing antibodies to fight the cancer
that profits at the expense of the very system it is feeding from,
by not honoring the fact
that all needs matter.

Parenting routinely includes a “do what I say, because I said it” attitude.
Cheating spouses honor their needs at the cost of their partners’.
Our corporations routinely embody a policy to maximize profits
Regardless of social or economic costs.

Meeting one set of needs at the expense of another,
is no different,
than when a man takes his pleasure
at the cost of a woman.
We call this rape.
When a thief takes possessions
at the cost of the owner,
we call it a crime.

Each time you, or I,
or any individual, pair, group, organization or country
don’t honor the fact
that all needs matter,
we cultivate a cancer
whose only possible outcome,
is sure and systemic death; the demise of everyone:
As we continue to engage power-over,
we feed off our planet,
seeking profit and gain
regardless of the cost of the system.
The consequence of the needs we’ve ignored,
is that now even our planet is failing.

We must interrupt this insidious habit,
And refuse participation in any system that engages the habit,
Of profiting regardless of the cost to others, society, or the environment.

The only way we will all survive,
is through a relentless practice
to abide ONLY
strategies and solutions
that account for all needs on the table,
and to adjust those strategies and solutions to account
for unforeseen needs that surface.

There *are* simple ways to honor all sets of needs.
It takes practice.
It takes patience.
It takes receptivity to ingenuity.
And
The capacity to honor all needs,
At the expense of NONE,
is absolutely available to us.

The key to our survival
Lies in a simple commitment to this:

“I relentlessly hold
That all core values (needs) matter,
and all get accounted for and attended to –
I will choose ONLY strategies or solutions
That honor this.”

The key to our survival
Lies in each one of us being willing
To relentlessly live
Only in line with strategies
That honor all needs at all levels.

This is the only way the inhabitants of spaceship Earth
will ever be free to thrive, or even to just SURVIVE,
Not as slave laborers in perpetual debt,
Not as silent witnesses to the degradation of the Great Mother that feeds us,
But as partners to ourselves, each other,
And the Cosmos.

“What activities am I knowingly engaging in, now, today,
that operate at the expense of some other need?
What can I choose instead that would honor them both?
Who can I ask for ideas?”

Freedom from Fear

Fear:
The bodymind bracing against some possible future pain.
The thoughts and emotion we experience when the ego/bodymind is trying to protect us from pain.

Worry / seeking reassurance / seeking understanding:
Forms of fear; the bodymind’s attempt to console fear; bracing against the pain of loss of some universal need (security, companionship, deep connection, etc)

Freedom from fear comes
not from reassurance, not from understanding, and not from solution. Freedom from fear doesn’t come from ascending into peak states of meditation.

These things only hide the fear.

Remove the reassurance, understanding, the solution, or the peak state and the fear returns.

Freedom from fear only comes when we confront it or embrace it. when we open to the thing we’re bracing against, when we embrace it, fear evaporates.

Confronting fear / opening to it means to
lean into the emotion of the fear – feel it – and then
a.) connect with the universal need/yearning at the root of it and
b.) release the “ick” of it (grieve the pain of the yearning) until
c.) realization of Infinite Self emerges and the fear naturally evaporates.

Embracing fear means to do this cycle:
a.) invite the thoughts of the ‘worst case scenario’
b.) ask, “ok, so? and then what?”
c.) repeat until realization of Infinite Freedom emerges and the fear naturally evaporates.

Confront fear or embrace it, and what you’re left with is the Face of Spirit – conscious connection to the universal need, free of the emotional charge.

From this place your state is resourceful, grounded, able to take effective action, and able to make powerful requests for Emergence.

Anything else is consoling fear, capitulating to fear, and acting out of being hijacked by fear. All of these are forms of personal slavery to fear.

For many of us the ultimate fear is fear of death, ultimate loss.

While we brace against loss or pain, we are slaves to our fear.

Confront fear. Release the bodymind tension.

Do It!

  1. Name one fear you have.
  2. Choose explicitly – do you wish to be a slave to your fear, or free of it?
  3. Choose which method you’re going to use to free yourself from your fear: to confront it, or to embrace it.
  4. Use the appropriate practice above. Get help; it’s hard to both go deep in doing the work AND also holding the process container. Get someone else to hold the process.

For more information, or to receive support to evaporate fear, call Toll-Free 1.877.535.5438 .

For more practical strategies on conscious living, and to receive a free Ebook, click here.

Reduce Stress – Dissolve Fear (FREEbies)

This conversation happened on my Facebook page –

Hopefully you can use these freebies for yourself!
Enjoy!
Gail

FACEBOOK STATUS: Gail feels relieved and liberated, having successfully peeled away yet another layer of fear.

– 2 Comments

Albert Brady at 10:43pm December 3

So, how did you “peel” it off Gail? What was your method? I went though an intense layer lifting off me today as well.
I’m happy to see you are liberated my friend.

Gail Taylor at 6:14pm December 4

Method – The Integrated Approach (my method, of course) 😉 1. Hear the language of the fear 2.) translate to the core need/yearning 3.) do releasework / grieve 4.) check back to the original stimulus and see if it’s resolved. If not, sthing wasn’t done on track during steps 1-4. For more info, here’s a page with freebies: http://www.theintegratedapproach.com/freecontent/healingwork.html

(UPDATE – woops, broken link. Until I can get it fixed, Step-by-step self-empathy  and inhale what you yearn for, exhale the angst, inhale the yearning, exhale the angst.


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