Posts Tagged 'wisdom'

Ouroboros Wheeeeeeee!

Me, two days ago, when I suddenly realized my en”light”enment practices and meditations and yogic practices (calling divine light into the body’s center channel) — were all toward me returning to residing as the state of consciousness (Ain) that existed before Creation (Ain Soph Aur and the The tree of life) – The state before creation was the Unity Plenum, the Darkness! (and God said let there be light). Which means that the light of life strives to return again to its origin of unity consciousness which was darkness… and the darkness seeks the companionship of other and duality and love and attraction and creation and life… From here – The Darkness is the ultimate beauty and wholeness, not evil, and the Light is the seductive temptress Aphrodite luring us into the flawed incomplete illusion (the naughty wench).  Kether and Source as The Light Bringer (Lucifer). Suddenly the previous bad is the new good, and the old good is the new bad, until they spin in on each other and it’s all good and beautiful, and it’s all heartbreaking…The snake eating its tail… and suddenly I’m not in such a rush to escape “the prison” – What’s the rush? Wheeeeeeeeee!!


Out of the Dark Night

Hi again 🙂

Well this post is about a month overdue. Much has shifted in the 6 months since my July post. Thanks to Grace and the love of people around me, including people I didn’t even know, I am finding my way into my next life Chapter.

I want to tell you the whole story, but if you know me you also know I can tell a long story. 😉 How do I abbreviate it and still transmit its richness?

Hrm. Well let me try this:

Have you ever had an experience of rediscovering the true core of who you most deeply Are, remembering, and suddenly shifting perspectives?

Before, all I could see were my crest-fallen memories and conclusions based in seeing the heart-breaking darkness in our 3-D reality: my disappointments, lost hopes and dreams, corruption, unconscious shadow, places where I felt lonely wanting to be wanted, and the beautiful fabric of Great Order that has tragic, limited, flawed messiness at every stage of Spiral development. From there, I didn’t see where I belonged, I only saw my differences from the world around me. Now, thanks to a conversation with Paul Roberts (, I remembered the quad inner community members that make up our dominant personality experience (see also, MBTI on human development), and was able to release my inner adult coach from the spaghetti of complicated grief that I was having a hard time finding my way through.

You see, Paul’s perspective was that all of what I’ve experienced this last few years – the losses, the health-crisis, the shift in my direction, the failures and the absolute feeling of being lost and confused – were all a necessary set of stepping stones, the oft-named “Dark Night of the Soul”, congruent with the path I have chosen. This made total sense to me. As so many before me who have climbed the mountain and seen the expansive view only to tumble back down into the chasm, I needed to have my tumble before I could fully surrender into my next Phase. I see how this makes absolute sense – I retired my busy-minded work. I let everything around me go in favor of prioritizing my body’s healing. Everything had to stop for me to shed my old skin before I could move forward.

From there, Paul offered me the Shin Buddhist invitation to surrender to the (2nd-person face of God) Amida Buddha which ironically (by contrast of my own 3rd-person relationship to The Universe) polarized me right smack back into my spiritual center. It reminded me that I Know mySelf as the direct conversation with Source that I Am. I Remember – I am not this experience. I gnostically Know – I am the rider, not the vehicle of the bodymind. (Yes, I just made up “gnostically” I think.) I experience the true details of the vehicle, but I also know a Higher Truth about my Nature, I remember who I was before I arrived in this body. That rider, and the driver that guides that Rider, is far closer to who I Am, than the illusion of the 3-D world that I fell asleep within.

This liberated me out of many entanglements that have been weighing on me for a few years now.

But maybe most importantly, Paul (and events that happened “coincidentally” right after my conversation with Paul) lurched me head-long into the deep pool on the other side of Great Order — realizing Grace.

Yes – there is darkness, corruption, shadow, tragedy. And, there’s also Great Love, surprises, unexpected support, guidance, beauty and consciousness evolving, taking Experience beyond where it has been before.

So now, I feel…settled. Rumi says it’s my natural progression from Enneagram 6 to healthy integration of Enneagram 9. I guess so; it snuck up on me. I see who I Am, who I am, and I see the differences between me and the environment around me, but yet I feel at home in my body and in the World and The Fabric just as it is.

In this shift, I’ve also uncovered a bit of love I had suppressed within me that I didn’t recall was there. I love mischief; specifically, the kind of mischief that happens behind the glint in someone’s eye as they smile with inner knowing, joy and delight at the fullness of having engaged a Random Act of Kindness. I love the kind of Mischief of engaging conversation with a restaurant waitress or a grocery check-out person or the mailman in a way that lights them up until they beam. I love the play of participating in standard daily conversation carrying with me the dance of Love and Divinity inviting forward the Genius that we each are, each in our own unique ways. I am a Stand for that game, that “good mischief” as Rumi says.

I now refer to it as my “Secret Light Spy” game.


Thank you, Paul, for the gift of your random (or not so random) act of kindness that helped shed light on my unconscious confusion. Thank you, Grace, for sending someone into my field who I’d only met once 10 years ago, and for inspiring him to look me up, read my blog and decide to email me about my July post.

Thank you History, for all the ways I was supported, loved, guided, protected, fed, sheltered and richly, richly gifted even when I was too blind, swollen, arrogant, scared or young to see it.

And thank you, Grace, for answering my prayer; I needed a ‘bigger game’ to play, a game from the land beyond politics and local drama, and you’ve given it to me.

So there it is. So much to be thankful for!

I’m coming back out to play, y’all. Something beyond self-power carries me now. And watch out, there’s a mischievous glint in my eye.


GIM – Poem

This is a poem I wrote in Jan. Enjoy!

i have walked among gods
in meatsuits
who forget and believe that the suit is who they are
and who avoid running lest the movement rip the suit
and i too am one of them

i have walked among gods
in meatsuits
and i too am one sometimes.
where is the world
where i can live a goddess among gods
where is the world where i can grow
a seed, sprouted, pushing through the soil
seeks the sun and the water lest it die

i have walked among gods
in meatsuits
but i’m remembering who I Am.
and this sadness of the suit doesn’t keep Me
from remembering what Is Here
it’s just the suit’s perspective
and one day i’ll ReMember Me.

Malevolent Evil = Eye of Beholder

I invite you to a thought experiment – imagine there is only “malevolent evil” in the eye of the beholder. Imagine that in truth the “perpetrator” has the same universal underlying needs that you have, and is attempting some benevolent end – either as a gift to himself, others, or the Divine. Imagine that t’s only judgment and interpretation that assesses this as either ‘good’ or ‘evil’. What if, as “beholding eyes”, we practice attending to the pain or fear underlying the judgment, and uncover the yearning trying to be voiced in us? I imagine when we do, we have an opportunity for restoring our capacity for “true sight”…increased power to affect the outcomes we desire. What do you think?

It’s All For You

To see reality transform and to see your power bloom, revisit and create the truth that everything you experience is in your favor.

A woodpecker woke me at 6am, hammering away at my chimney. I am SO not a morning person. So, no surprise, I was *not* a happy girl. Twenty minutes after burning paper in my fireplace in hopes of smoking the feathered brat …erm…friend….out of my morning space, I was still awake, my mind full of chatter and things to do. I finally gave in, got back out of bed, and scratched a nuggets from the chatter into my journal.

Habitually a morning like this would have lead me to a routine of answering, “How was your day today?” with, “Oh a woodpecker woke me up early so I lost 3 hours of sleep this morning.” Not pretty.

Then I remembered a friend who has a curious outlook on life. He’s from the D/s community and says, “A true Dominant knows that everything is in his favor.”

The thought crossed my mind…so I tried on the coat.

Yes, the woodpecker woke me….but what’s also true is that during the hours I normally would have been sleeping, I learned about blogging, I learned how to do streaming audio on my website, I fetched groceries for the month, and wrote 3 new entries for one of my new books. Pretty good morning!

So now my new framing for the morning is, “Oh clearly the Muse wanted me up this morning – I’ve had a wonderfully productive day – totally unexpected.”

Thank you, Michael, for helping me turn losses into gains! How much richer my life is now, and all the while nothing outside me has changed.

3-Minute Invitation: try an experiment – think about a “loss” you’ve recently suffered and then spend 3 minutes with the question, “How is this actually in my favor?”

Funny what I discovered. How about you?

I’d love to hear what you wind up with!

Curiouser and Curiouser,

Invitation: Start with the belief that, “Everything happens for the best,” and “Everything happens for a reason.” Looking at a circumstance that apparently failed you, or that was apparently a loss, or that you don’t like. Where is it true that this was ultimately “for the best”, “happened for a good reason”, and/or was “in your favor”?

Thank you Love!

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